Tag Archives: Family

The Too Busy Church and What it Has to Lose

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Church is a very busy place. In addition to the regular Sunday services, many churches also have programs galore for all ages almost every day of the week. The programs alone are not a bad idea; having a Bible study for women or a special activity for teens can go a long way in building relationships both with God and each other. But in trying to be actively involved in church, many families find themselves pulled in a million directions all at once. You worship together as a family on Sunday, mom is gone to a program for ladies on Tuesday, you’re back for prayer meeting on Wednesday, your teenager is dropped off for a youth activity on Thursday, and your 3rd grader is taken to a special program on Friday. Don’t forget the men’s prayer breakfast on Saturday and you’re back again on Sunday morning. And that’s just church stuff–not work, school, or any of the other activities a family participates in.

We have families running, running, running trying to keep up. But what are we keeping up with anyway? With each other? With the expectations of our fellow church members? With God and what we perceive he requires of us? With our own perfectionistic standards? What? Sometimes when we are trying our hardest to do everything right and make everyone happy, we lose sight of what actually matters most. We exchange the busyness of activities about God for quiet time actually spent talking to God. We trade programs intended to build up families for actual time with our families.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not trying to bash church or any of the opportunities a church offers. I know each program offered is meant to help believers, not hinder them. I love my church family and love the time I get to spend with them. But I also see individuals and families are the building blocks of any church. If families grow too busy to spend time with God and each other, then the building blocks of a church can begin to crumble. A church family is only as strong and healthy as the individual families of which it’s comprised. If families are falling apart because they’re too busy to stop and listen to each other, to solve problems and grow together, what will become of the family of God as a whole?

With all the opportunities and distractions life offers, I only hope we can learn to keep our priorities straight. To love God first–and because we love him and desire to worship him together–to gather in church as the family of God. But in doing so, not to become bogged down and distracted by extra activities that pull us away from what should be our next priority–our families. If we want to honor Christ and worship him together, let’s honor him privately in our individual lives and homes by setting aside all that weighs us down and focus on all that brings us closer to him and the people who matter most. Let’s value our families and the time we spend with them, remembering if we lose our relationships with them, we have already hurt the family of God even if we do show up for church on Sunday.

When It All Gets to Be Too Much

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Sometimes I feel like all I ever do is gawk at a computer screen. Between working in front of a computer and writing on a computer, there are days when I literally spend hours connected to technology. Then you add in the time spent on Facebook, Twitter, reading other blogs and the news, online shopping, and all the other things I end up doing on the internet and sometimes it all just gets to be too much. It’s a funny thing though, because even though I’m starting to get overwhelmed by hyper-connectivity, every time I pull away from the computer for a few minutes, I start to miss it. I start to wonder if anyone has said anything exciting on Facebook or if I’ve had any hits on my blog. I start to wonder if one of my favorite stores has put anything on sale online or if I have any email. It’s like I’m addicted to the screen–like I don’t know what else to do with myself if I’m not clicking around on the computer.

Yesterday I really started to stop and think about how much of myself I devote to screen time–and in doing so, how much of myself I take away from the people and things that should matter so much more than an email or an online sale. How often do I whittle away precious time with my husband by pulling out the laptop instead of sitting and talking to him? It’s amazing how the two of us can be in the same room, sitting right next to each other, and still be completely disconnected by the TV and internet standing between us.

I realize I’m starting to get burnt out and just need to take a break for a while. Fortunately, next week will be the perfect opportunity to do so. Darren and I will be taking a break together and will be cut off from internet, TV, video games, phone–the works. We’ll be spending time just the two of us without all the distractions of technology and hyper-connectivity.

I can’t wait to just sit and look at him. To look at the man who stole my heart in spite of all my fighting, the man who works so hard to provide for us and to show me his great love–just to sit and look at the big brown eyes that won me over 7 years ago and still win me over every single day. How could I ever pass those eyes up for a computer screen? Sorry to be so sappy, but I’m just starting to realize what I’ve been missing out on and can’t wait to really reconnect with a person, not the internet.

“As if you could kill time without injuring eternity.” Henry David Thoreau

Beauty and Strength of the Old

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My great-grandparents Clarence and Dorothy Williams

I am a very lucky girl. I’ve had the privilege of knowing all four of my grandparents and my great-grandmother. And not only did I get to know them, but knew them well enough to count them as friends. I always joke about how I come from a long line of eccentric women and never stood a chance–my grandma is a bit of a firecracker :] But I really am so thankful for each of the men and women who are a part of my heritage and helped make me who I am. I’m especially close to my grandmother, or Grams, as we call her. My brothers and I are her only grandchildren so we got spoiled having her and Pops (grandpa) all to ourselves. I also got to live with Grams and Pops during the summers when home from college and got to soak up special times and memories with them during those years.

Grams and Pops with my mom and Uncle Mark at the Kansas City fire station where my grandpa was a firefighter and Captain for 25 years

Grams came out last fall and spent a month with me and Darren. We took off and explored all the corners of New England during those four weeks. We sat on Hampton Beach enjoying the moody ocean on New Hampshire’s coastline. We walked around Brattleboro and took in all the breathtaking beauty of the fall leaves in Vermont. We sat in a 1950s diner in Connecticut sipping malts, playing music on the jukebox, and sharing stories. We explored Old Orchard Beach, the Height of the Land, and the lighthouse on Port Elizabeth in Maine. We took the ferry to Ellis Island and the Statue of Liberty and walked until we couldn’t take another step exploring the streets of New York City. We poked around antique stores here in Massachusetts and happened upon The Apple Barn Café–a hole in the wall restaurant that has since become my favorite breakfast joint. We sat at the kitchen table sipping coffee and sharing memories. Snuggled up on the couch watching chick flicks and every movie we could find based on a John Grisham novel. We thought, since Grams is full-blooded German, ourselves qualified to try our hand at German cooking–we aren’t. Everything we made ended up in the trash where it belonged.
Those four weeks are very special to me–every moment, every memory we created and shared I hold onto and cherish. I hold on because I know I can’t have the people I love forever. I’ve lost two of my grandparents in the last 18 months so the reality of saying goodbye is real and present. You get used to the people around you and take for granted the ones you love–until they are taken away and there is no more time to call “when you get a chance” or visit when “you’re not so busy.” I realize too, that my Gram is a very special lady and I’m very lucky having her in my life. Gram, like so many older people, has experienced life in both its exhilarating heights and its dark depths. And in living through so much, she has gained wisdom and experience I don’t have at 26.

Pops with my mom and uncle Mark

Our fast-paced American society doesn’t always value older people but having spent so much time with my grandparents and other older adults, I truly believe they are some of the most beautiful and valuable people we can ever know. Society idolizes youth–the strength, beauty, creativity, and zeal of the young. Young people do have much to offer but we aren’t the only ones with something to offer. We may possess a beauty and strength unique to youth–but let us not overlook the very different, but very real, beauty and strength of the old. What is real beauty after all? The young woman with firm skin and glossy hair, untouched my life and heartache? Or the grandmother with wrinkles and gray hair–each wrinkle a mark of life’s journey–of hard work, heartache, and heart overflowing? The gray hair earned–earned staying up late and getting up early caring for the young, carrying life’s burdens so the young wouldn’t have to. Am I wiser at 26 because I can think and move faster than I will at 86?

My great-grandparents Clem and Catherine Denning

I came across this letter written from an aging mother to her daughter; it’s such a good challenge and reminder about how we should love and respect the old:
“My dear girl, the day you see I’m getting …old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through. If when we talk, I repeat the same thing a thousand times, don’t interrupt to say: “You said the same thing a minute ago”… Just listen, please. Try to remember the times when you were little and I would read the same story night after night until you would fall asleep. When I don’t want to take a bath, don’t be mad and don’t embarrass me. Remember when I had to run after you making excuses and trying to get you to take a shower when you were just a girl? When you see how ignorant I am when it comes to new technology, give me the time to learn and don’t look at me that way… remember, honey, I patiently taught you how to do many things like eating appropriately, getting dressed, combing your hair and dealing with life’s issues every day… the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through. If I occasionally lose track of what we’re talking about, give me the time to remember, and if I can’t, don’t be nervous, impatient or arrogant. Just know in your heart that the most important thing for me is to be with you. And when my old, tired legs don’t let me move as quickly as before, give me your hand the same way that I offered mine to you when you first walked. When those days come, don’t feel sad… just be with me, and understand me while I get to the end of my life with love. I’ll cherish and thank you for the gift of time and joy we shared. With a big smile and the huge love I’ve always had for you, I just want to say, I love you… my darling daughter.”
For every wrinkle and scar from life’s journey, for every moment lived and every experience gained, for the wisdom of years, for the love and patience given to care for the young, for the sacrifices made to benefit those who follow–let us value and honor the old. Let us be patient when they forget, remembering how much they know. Let us be compassionate when they are slow, remembering how far they have come. Let us love, remembering how much they first loved us. With Mother’s Day around the bend, let us value and love each of the old (and not so old) people in our lives who have filled our hearts with love.

Busy As a Bee

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The husband and I spent this past weekend in Maine. Darren’s dad runs a bee pollination business taking boxes and boxes of honey bees to the farmers to make sure their crops are pollinated and ready to produce yummy, beautiful fruit. We go up twice a year—once in the spring and again in the fall to help Darren’s dad load and unload the bees off the truck. The bees have a pretty posh life—they get to spend the spring and summer in Maine when the weather is warm and lovely but never quite hot or humid. Then when the air gets crisp and the leaves begin to turn, the spoiled honey bees get loaded in their bee boxes back onto the truck and are whisked away to do a little tanning in Florida for the winter. You wouldn’t want them getting too cold, you know :]

With spring’s early arrival, the farmers are edgy and impatient about having the bees brought early just in case the blossoms go by quickly. You can’t blame them—if the blossoms aren’t pollinated, the crops will be lost. So as soon as the bees were pulled off the truck from Florida, the boys loaded them right onto another truck to begin deliveries. Here’s Darren driving the truck:

My father-in-law wanted to know if I wanted to ride along with them to make the deliveries—I love riding along so I jumped in the truck between him and Darren. The boys were rushing around trying to make sure they had everything they needed for the trip. My father-in-law asked me: Kari, what are we going to forget? Something important, I say. Something critical, he says. Oh well, we pile in the truck and are off. We get several miles down the road and my father-in-law says, The map. We forgot the map. Darren asks his dad if he knows where we’re going and how to get there? I hope so, says my father-in-law and we just keep on going. After lots of guessing and a couple of turnarounds, we made every delivery.

I love riding around with the boys. To avoid taking the time to stop and eat, they munch on gas station fare all day—I had a Twix, a Rice Crispy Treat, an ice cream cone, and my favorite pizza from Papa Johns—why wouldn’t I ride along for all that? :]

Here’s Darren zipping around in the Bobcat moving bee hives into an apple orchard.

When the boys were at each delivery stop, I sat in the truck and ate up a couple more pages of Walden Pond. I didn’t want to risk getting stung, you know, and it was really cold out too! I took pictures from inside the truck to avoid getting stung–see Darren in the mirror?

Here’s a cranberry bog with berries from last year taking a dip. Darren’s dad helps pollinate the cranberries used by Ocean Spray so if you’ve ever tasted Ocean Spray then maybe just maybe you’ve tasted some of his bee’s hard work.

After all the work was done, Darren and I took off for a little date in Freeport. We walked around the outdoor shops and wandered through the flagship L.L. Bean store drooling over rich people camping gear. Here’s Darren with the giant Bean Boot (he has a real pair of Bean Boots that look just like this…um, only smaller).

We are busy. The bees are busy. Life is just as busy as the busy little bees.

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A Very Bad Idea

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Just rockin’ the 90s with my little brothers Chris (left) & Brad (right)

Today I am going to tell you a true story. I have a little brother named Chris. I have five stupid brothers but Chris is my favorite (don’t tell the others). Chris and I have one of those questionable love/hate relationships. We almost never talk but when we finally do, we talk for hours. Earlier this week we were reminiscing about childhood and surviving childhood with said love/hate relationship. We laughed about the time Chris chased me and Brad across the yard with a machete–I think we could call this a hate moment.

a) Why did we own and freely play with a machete?

b) What could Brad and I possibly have done to invoke being hacked up in the front yard by a machete?

c) None of this is the true story I’m going to tell you (I mean, it is true, he really did chase us with a machete–but that’s for another day).

Don’t be deceived by how nice he looks

I grew up in the country on a farm with three big red barns. Up in the biggest barn the farthest from the house was a hayloft. The hayloft was the fortress and playground of my youth–my hideaway and favorite place in the world. One day right before I left for college, Chris and I decide it would just be the coolest thing in the world to sleep in the hayloft. And if we’re going to sleep in the hayloft well, dang it, we need entertainment. Thus began the plan to hook the TV up in the loft. No biggie, the barn is only like 20 yards miles from the house–we should have extension cords enough for that. Then was the part about actually hoisting the TV up into the loft–I believe this was done using a combination of ladders and my incredible upper arm strength. Regardless, we somehow got it up there with extension cords strung from the loft, through the puddles, up the hill, over the drive, through the yard, and into the house. Ah yes, but if you are going to sleep in the hayloft watching TV all night, well, you are going to need a good solid horror movie to make it worth your while. So, off to the movie store we go to make our selections. We returned home with a large pizza and the movie “Hide n’ Seek.” We built a proper nest on the floor and thus began the night of terror and stupidity.

“Hide n’ Seek” really isn’t that scary a movie…unless of course, you’re watching it in a barn out in a field in the middle of the night. You wouldn’t believe how timid a once machete-wielding kid can be until you lock him up in a barn with a horror movie–I’ve never seen Chris snuggle so close or act as though he liked me so much. We were both completely freaked out and kept talking about how maybe this wasn’t such a good idea and maybe we should go back to the house..huh huh, huh huh <8[

We were ready to pack up and run for it until we heard a scratching noise coming from the room under the loft. It was probably just a cat, but in that moment we were both fairly certain Freddie freakin’ Kruger was scratching his way through the floor boards intending to have us for dinner. You know that feeling of sheer terror that rises up in you sometimes and you’re just too scared to move or breathe? Ya, that was pretty much how we spent the whole night in the barn. We didn’t sleep a wink and as soon as the sun started to rise and there was just enough light to see the house again, we ran for it. If I remember right, we got to the front porch only to realize our Parents of the Year had locked us out so back to the loft we went.

It was one of the dumbest things we’ve ever done and one of the best memories we ever made.

Our current brilliant idea is to buy a pink van branded Kris and Kari’s Krazy Good BBQ out of which we will sell pulled pork to the masses. We are after all, from Kansas City (BBQ mecca) and Chris is the manager of a fantastic BBQ joint in KC, so we’re bound to be a success, right? Not to mention people in KC will eat BBQ any time of the day from any vendor imaginable–pink creepo van pulled up to the corner selling unidentifiable meat drenched in KC Masterpiece? Heck yes. The future is bright kids :]

All grown up–Brad center, Chris to his right, me to his left

It’s Now or Never—Building Relationships

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Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the small windows of opportunity we have in life–especially concerning relationships. People universally want to be loved and accepted; we want to know that the people we care about care about us too. If I care about someone who doesn’t seem to care about me, the window of opportunity for that person to build a relationship with me closes quickly because I’m inclined to pull away and close up in order to avoid getting hurt. I’m not even talking about romantic relationships but friendship and family relationships too.

I see this in a lot of parent/child relationships. When kids are little and always at their parents’ heels, the parents take for granted that their children will always want their time and attention. Parents are busy people–they are often tired and running in five directions at once trying to keep up with all their responsibilities. In the hustle, kids sometimes (for long times) fall to the side. And then the kids grow up–fast–and they are gone. They grow busy with their own lives and concerns and pretty soon the tables are turned. The parents’ lives are perhaps now slowing down and they finally have the time they’ve always wanted to spend with their kids–but the kids are gone. They’re in college, or married with children of their own, or living far away and that small window of opportunity to build a lasting parent/child relationship is closed to some extent. Not that you can’t rebuild relationships, of course you can, but it will take far more time and work when you’ve pushed people away and have to re-earn their trust.

So often it’s now or never and never comes so soon.

I’m learning that if I want to have deep meaningful relationships with people, then I have to make those people a big priority in my life. I have to let people know they matter to me and they’re worth my time even if my time is limited.

I have five brothers and none of us have been very close since we all left home. The six of us are spread out from Missouri to Louisiana to Massachusetts so get-togethers are few and far apart. We go months upon months without speaking at all–no phone calls, text messages, e-mails, nothing. This is hard for me because I want to be closer to my family. I always tell myself that the lack of communication is just because they’re men and men don’t always want or need the same level of communication that women do. But the truth is, they can’t communicate with me regardless of whether they’re good communicators or not if I don’t make time for them and let them know they matter to me. They never call I say, but I never call either. Maybe I’ll call and the phone will just ring and go to voicemail and maybe they’ll never call me back–but I won’t know if I don’t try and if I don’t try my window of opportunity to stay close and build a relationship may shut sooner and longer than I think.

If I shut people out of my life when I feel like I’m not important to them, who am I to think they won’t do the same to me?

Harry Chapin’s song Cats in the Cradle reminds me of all this. I didn’t understand the meaning of the song when I was younger but I’ve always liked the way it sounds. Now I see just how true his words are and how important it is that I make people a priority in my life–before it’s too late.

Cats in the Cradle

“My child arrived just the other day He came to the world in the usual way But there were planes to catch and bills to pay He learned to walk while I was away And he was talkin’ ‘fore I knew it, and as he grew He’d say “I’m gonna be like you dad You know I’m gonna be like you”
And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon Little boy blue and the man on the moon When you comin’ home dad? I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son You know we’ll have a good time then
My son turned ten just the other day He said, “Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let’s play Can you teach me to throw”, I said “Not today I got a lot to do”, he said, “That’s ok” And he walked away but his smile never dimmed And said, “I’m gonna be like him, yeah You know I’m gonna be like him”
And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon Little boy blue and the man on the moon When you comin’ home son? I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son You know we’ll have a good time then
Well, he came home from college just the other day So much like a man I just had to say “Son, I’m proud of you, can you sit for a while?” He shook his head and said with a smile “What I’d really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys See you later, can I have them please?”
And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon Little boy blue and the man on the moon When you comin’ home son? I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son You know we’ll have a good time then
I’ve long since retired, my son’s moved away I called him up just the other day I said, “I’d like to see you if you don’t mind” He said, “I’d love to, Dad, if I can find the time You see my new job’s a hassle and kids have the flu But it’s sure nice talking to you, Dad It’s been sure nice talking to you”
And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me He’d grown up just like me My boy was just like me
And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon Little boy blue and the man on the moon When you comin’ home son? I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son You know we’ll have a good time then”