Saying Goodbye to Outside Air + Something New

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Beginning

Eight years ago, I sat beside the ocean watching the waves swirl the sand in ever-changing shades and patterns. I’d jot down lines about nature and beauty in my journal, but that day I felt the pull to share those words with someone else.

I’d noticed lots of lovely blogs popping up and was captivated by both the stories and images shared in these spaces. So I decided to join in. And just like that, Outside Air was born on a May day without much thought or intention. A place to simply share my thoughts and observations.

Remembering

I’ve been looking back over this space some of late, and what I really love about it is the way it documents each changing season of life, love, marriage and motherhood. I see my faith sprouting from a seed to a plant with roots. And I see the seasons of my heart pass through the changes of winter, spring, summer and fall as life’s beauty and challenges shape my heart and soul.

I love this space. And I’m so thankful I’ve had the opportunity to share my heart and story here for all these years. I’m thankful for the people I’ve met and the conversations we’ve had. It’s all such a sweet gift, truly.

Stirring

But over the last year, I’ve been restless about this little spot of mine. I couldn’t put my finger on it, knowing that I still want to write and share my words publicly. But the more I evaluated it, the more the desire grew for a fresh start, for something new.

I’ve changed a lot over the last decade, as anyone does, and while I’m thankful for the record here of all these years, I can’t push down the feeling that this chapter has ended and it’s time to start tapping out a new one.

Planning

At the beginning of the year, I began jotting down ideas in notebooks scattered throughout the house. By May, I had a clear vision of what I wanted to do next. The funny thing is, it’s not all that different from Outside Air. If anything, it’s a return to my original vision for this space.

Introducing

So with that, I started working on a new corner of the internet and The Wheat Princess was born.

Continuing

What you’ll find is a continuation of what I started here, only with more intention and a stronger emphasis on the things that make up my very real every day — faith, marriage, motherhood, home-making and homeschooling. And adventures, lots and lots of adventures.

And while I’ve been nearly silent here for the last several months, I’ve been busy setting up The Wheat Princess and tapping out words and stories over there. You’ll find posts about what we’ve been up to this summer (vacationing in a treehouse, for example), what led to our unlikely decision to homeschool, more about why I chose the name, and all the odd things I’ve been learning, pondering or reading as always.

I hope you like it. And I hope you’ll follow The Wheat Princess as I will no longer be posting here on Outside Air. You can follow via email, Facebook or Instagram. Links to all three are available at the bottom of the new site.

Ending

Again, thank you for the near decade we’ve spent together in this space. I feel in so many ways that I’ve grown up here as I stretched into marriage, motherhood and all God has led through over the years. I can’t explain the feeling I have in my gut right now, tapping these words of goodbye. I’m sad. But I’m excited and hopeful for the next chapter too.

Join me there?

Love always,

Kari Ann

Spring Reads: 2019

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Isn’t it funny how reading can make you fall in love with writing all over again? Somehow the story and the cadence of words falling together one after the other makes you want to sit and write a story all your own.

These are the books I read from March through May and what I thought of each.

Ordinary: Sustainable Faith In a Radical, Restless World by Michael Horton

Christian Living, 211 pages.

Hmm… this book was tough for me. I went into it with all kinds of enthusiasm but something about the writing style really didn’t work for me. Even though I agree with much of what Horton says and believe this is an important topic for Christians to dig into, I found myself just trying to get through this one. I still recommend reading it, because like I said, it was mostly a stylistic thing for me, the message was sound and you may connect with the writing way better than I did.

Today’s ‘radical’ is tomorrow’s ‘ordinary.’ In most cases, impatience with the ordinary is at the root of our restlessness and rootlessness. We’re looking for something more to charge our lives with interest, meaning, and purpose. Instead of growing like a tree, we want to grow like a forest fire.

Horton, p. 127

Women of the Word: How to Study the Bible with Both Our Hearts and Our Minds by Jen Wilkin

Christian Living, 152 pages.

I really, really loved this book. Wilkin’s writing is deep and convicting but written in a relatable and enjoyable style. I was done with this book in just a day or two but have continued referring back to it as I learn to implement what I learned about studying the Bible on my own. A must read for anyone looking to dig deeper into God’s Word on their own or in a group study.

Does this mean that the Bible has nothing to say to us about who we are? Not at all. We just go about trying to answer that question in a backwards way. The Bible does tell us who we are and what we should do, but it does so through the lens of who God is. The knowledge of God and the knowledge of self always go hand in hand. In fact, there can be no true knowledge of self apart from the knowledge of God. … Seeing who he is shows me who I am in a true light.

Wilkin, p.p. 26-27

On Reading Well: Finding the Good Life Through Great Books by Karen Swallow Prior

Literary Criticism, 236 pages

This is by far the best book I’ve read this year. A friend recommended it to me and the premise of learning how to think and live well by observing virtue and vice in literature caught my interest. I knew when I was already highlighting multiple quotations in the intro that this was going to be a winner and it did not disappoint. I don’t even know how to choose a favorite quote to share because I highlighted so much throughout the book! It’s not very often that I’m genuinely sad when a book is over but I could have read chapters and chapters more.

I put this book on my writing desk with the other books that have most deeply influenced by reading and writing and I fully intend to read it again each year. I’ll leave you with two short quotes just from the introduction:

We must imagine what virtue looks like in order to live virtuously.

Cultivating and exercising wisdom is harder than consulting a rule book.

Swallow Prior, p.p. 26 & 28

The Magnolia Story by Chip and Joanna Gaines

Biography, 208 pages (5 hour listen).

Last month, Darren and I drove the entire East Coast from Florida to Maine so a couple of audio books were a necessity as you might imagine! The Magnolia Story was the perfect listen to pass the hours. Read by Chip and Joanna, you feel like you’re sitting around drinking coffee with the Gaines and laughing about all the crazy things these two have done to get to where they are today. Darren and I were both laughing out loud and crazy inspired by the Gaines’ vision and courage. I don’t have a quote to share since I was listening not reading but I definitely recommend.

The Wheat Princess by Jean Webster

Fiction, 340 pages.

Jean Webster has been my favorite author ever since I read Daddy-Long-Legs back in high school. Every now and then, I like to reread her books and fall in love with her story telling and humor all over again. Webster’s books sit on my writing desk as well and she is likely the most influential voice in my love for words and the development of my own writing style.

The Wheat Princess is a novel about an American girl in Italy and the transformation she goes through while there. Written over a hundred years ago, the language is beautiful and the story charming.

Heretofore she had been so sure of herself; so ready to judge every one from her own standpoint, but Italy was suddenly making her feel very young.

Webster, p.p 48-49

That’s it for spring. I’m excited to dive into a new stack of books over the summer. What are you reading? And what do you recommend? My favorite book so far this year was recommended when I asked for suggestions so let me know what books you’re loving!

Our Children Become What They Behold

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I had the opportunity to share another article at For the Family this morning. Now to the hard part of walking my talk…

I don’t realize how my words sound until I hear them repeated back to me by my son. He mimics flawlessly not only my words but the attitude in which they are said. It’s like watching myself in a mirror through the eyes of a four-year-old. This proves quite a wake-up call to the way I speak and behave. I cannot rightly correct words and attitudes in him that I know he first sees characterized in me; it’s like yelling at your child to stop yelling.

All Eyes on You

I often hear the saying “we become what we behold.” I see how true this is as I watch my children watch me and respond in kind. Do I want my children to be patient and kind? Then I must be patient and kind first. Do I want my kids to share toys? Then I must model a willingness to share my own time and resources.

Truly, our children become what they behold and they behold little else more than their parents. 

You Can’t Save Your Kids — But…

It’s true that our children are individual creations with a free will. Even the best parenting doesn’t guarantee children who know and love the Lord and even the worst parenting doesn’t doom children to not knowing and loving the Lord.

But we learn from our parents and the attitudes and affections we behold in them inform our hearts about what is worth loving and living for.

Read the rest of the article at FortheFamily.org by clicking here

Master Bedroom Remodel

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Spring Always Comes Again

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Earlier this week a thunderstorm blew through chasing out the last of winter and leaving drops of spring scattered in her wake. It’s still cool — this is New England after all. But evidence of the world waking is sprinkled all around. Daffodils bloom and the tiniest buds blush deeply in crimson — a bit nervous about what they’ll soon reveal. The birds are beside themselves with song — singing wildly even in the rain. Everything feels giddy, bursting, on the cusp of life and warmth and newness.

This was my 11th winter in Massachusetts. Though it has taken me all eleven years to figure it out, I do believe I’m finding my way through the cold at last. Winter for me has always been about surviving, holding on, and keeping my eyes firmly shut until June. But little by little I’ve begun to understand the purpose of this necessary season.

For one thing, by summer’s end we fail to still notice the bird’s song or the shades of green or the beauty of flowers all around. We get accustomed to lovely things and winter is the perfect remedy to such lazy assumptions of unending comfort. I learn my lesson every January as I layer on my coat, gloves, hat and boots just to check the mail. I repent of taking any good thing for granted and promise to notice every leaf and bloom if spring ever comes again.

And here’s the thing I’m learning most of all — spring does always come again. However brutal and unfeeling winter may be, somehow by June you hardly remember it happened at all. What just a few weeks ago appeared dead forever now reveals life hidden and resting all along. And with all the metaphors this lively season offers, I’m reminded the same is true of hearts and lives too. Cold, barren seasons of life will eventually transition from roots deeply hidden to life bursting in blooms. What seems dead and wasted almost never is — spring always comes again.

I read recently that

The greatest pleasures are those born of labor and investment.

Karen Swallow Prior

Indeed, if we never walk through winter, we will never truly appreciate the sweet antithesis of such barren seasons. I notice spring because I have walked through winter. We best notice life after we have tasted death.

Today I walked around outside with my kids soaking up the warmth of sunshine on my back. I’m thankful for spring, but most of all I’m thankful that seasons change and hope buoys us ever on. We often say that nothing lasts forever in reference to the good but the same can be said of the hard stuff too. Nothing lasts forever, not even a New England winter.

Winter Reads: 2019

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At the beginning of the year I realized I had lost my love for reading — mostly from burning myself out on parenting books I felt obligated to read. Many of these are helpful but I noticed when I wanted to burn every parenting book I saw that it was probably time for a break from all the “do this to be a better that” stuff.

I declared 2019 the year in which I read whatever the heck I feel like and behold, I fell in love with stories and words all over again. Now that I’m enjoying books once more I thought it would be fun to do a seasonal recap sharing what I read. Here’s a quick look at the books I read from December to February.

Escape to Vindor by Emily Golus

Fantasy, 354 pages

This was a fun book to read in part because the author, Emily, was also my college roommate. Writing is hard work so it’s pretty cool to see someone I know who studied to be a writer actually doing the work and following through with her dream.

Vindor was a fun break from my normal book genres. I haven’t read anything like this since I finished The Lord of the Ring series. Think Lord of the Rings meets The Chronicles of Narnia and you have an idea of the fun and adventure you’ll be diving into with this story. Find it here.

At Home in the World by Tsh Oxenreider

Travel Memoir, 268 pages

My sister-in-law gave me this book for my birthday last year and as soon as I cracked it open I couldn’t put it back down. I loved both the writing style and getting to travel with the author through different countries and adventures. It did no good for my own wanderlust as I now have a bunch more places on my list I must see 😉 Find it here.

Wanderlust and my longing for home are birthed from the same place: a desire to find the ultimate spot this side of heaven. When I stir soup at my stove, I drift to a distant island. When I’m on the road with my backpack, my heart wanders back to my couch, my favorite coffee cup. My equal pull between both are fueled by my hardwired desire for heaven on earth. And I know I’ll never find it.

Tsh Oxenreider

The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness by Timothy Keller

Christian Living, 46 pages

This was a super short read at under 50 pages but it packs a punch. I marked all over the pages and plan on re-reading this at least once a year. Highly recommend. Find it here.

The thing we would remember from meeting a truly gospel-humble person is how much they seemed to be totally interested in us. Because the essence of gospel-humility is not thinking more of myself or thinking less of myself, it is thinking of myself less.

Timothy Keller

Come To Jesus by Christa Threlfall

Christian Living, 92 pages

Christa, like Emily, is someone I went to college with so when I saw she was publishing a book, I signed up for the launch team to read the book and cheer her on. Like The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness, this is a short book with big impact. Christa did a great job reminding readers that true hope and help are not found in a change of circumstances but in Jesus alone. I was encouraged to look at hard things as opportunities to grow and draw closer to the Lord rather than seeing them simply as things to get through. Find it here.

Alexander the Great by Philip Freeman

Historical Nonfiction, 330 pages

This is the first book I purchased after I decided to read whatever I wanted. Before, reading a whole book about Alexander the Great just for fun didn’t seem like the best use of my time. I was wrong. Not only did this book improve my understanding of history and culture, there were stories that made me question my motives and character and interesting parallels to Christianity and the spread of the gospel — so how’s that for a waste of time 🙂 I’m looking forward to reading more books in this genre as it ended up being something I really enjoyed. Find it here.

So tell me, what are you reading/recommend? I’m always looking for ideas so share away!

Hope for the Overwhelmed Parent

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I’m sorry for my long absence; I always seem to lose inspiration by winter’s end. But I wanted to stop in and share an article I wrote for FortheFamily.org. I hope it will be an encouragement to any other parent feeling overwhelmed today. Read the full article by following the link below. And I promise I’ll be back on a regular basis soon–I’ve got lots of words rolling around in my head as spring begins to push in around us even here in New England ❤

Parenting is Intense

Even on the best days, all the needs and demands can feel like a whirlpool sucking us down the drain. How do we keep up, and better yet, thrive in this wild role we call parenthood? … read the full article here

Your Day Planner Won’t Save You

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I love new beginnings. Especially after becoming a mom, I’ve learned to savor each new morning and the few minutes of quiet that (usually) come with peeling out of bed early in the still-dark morning. I tiptoe to the living room and sit under a cozy blanket in an arm chair like a hobbit — I lack only a pipe 😉 I sit here preparing for the day ahead, soaking up the slowness and stillness of it all before my kiddos wake and need all the things all at once.

I love a new year too — the ultimate new beginning as it were. After wrestling through a whole year of victories and losses, it’s nice standing at Day One with a shiny blank canvas to be filled.

And you guys, I love day planners. Don’t believe me? The picture above shows all three of the planners I’m currently using. One specifically for setting and tracking goals, one for big picture yearly and monthly overviews and the other for the every day don’t-forget-to-take-the-trash-out kind of stuff. Also, stickers… I really love peppering my planners with stickers. Basically I’m 12 but I need to remember to take the trash out and raise other humans so this is how we get it done.

But I’m noticing something about myself and my love of planning, organizing and well —  controlling all the things. It’s easy to believe that if I just plan carefully enough and have my day plotted out just so, then everything will be fine. Meaning, the success of the day depends almost entirely on myself (my planning and ability to execute said plan) and little on the grace and help of God — His enabling, directing and even His throwing a wrench in my carefully laid out plans in order to test my heart reaction and not just my ability to get stuff done.

There is a lesson about balance and surrender here. Obviously there is nothing wrong with having a plan and trying to stay on top of things. In fact, it is this very practice that helps me chisel out time each day to dig into God’s word and fellowship with Him in prayer. Discipline and order are both Biblical and practical tools to living as we ought. But like so many good and right things, just about anything can become a god if you let it.

I noticed this first when I found myself irritable and short-tempered every single Friday and often through the rest of the weekend. Why Friday? Because my husband, Darren, works 10 hour days Monday through Thursday and is home on Fridays. Which, don’t get me wrong, is fabulous. But it also means that the kids and I go from our normal day planner routine to a hodge podge day of working around the house and nothing is very predictable. I never realized how much I idolized my plan, my routine and my being in control of things until I persistently struggled with my attitude every time those things were taken away.

I find myself too believing that if I have a super productive week where all the little boxes get checked and all my carefully planned activity is accomplished then that can easily be equated as a “good” week — even if I was grumpy with my family, selfish with my time or whatever else the case may be.

My point is this: Sometimes the most “successful” days and weeks are the ones that don’t go according to my plan at all but where I learned to let go, surrender and obey as God led. Sometimes I learn more by a frustrating day dealing with heart issues (my own and those of my children) than I ever will by writing all the posts, submitting all the work or getting the whole house clean top to bottom. Those things are fine and well, but not if I’m idolizing them or sacrificing what really matters most for the sake of check boxes and productivity.

We are only two weeks into this shiny new year and in that, I wanted to stop and remind myself today of what really matters most and where success really lies. All the planning and accomplishing is fine, but only if done with the right heart attitude, enabled by the Lord and done for His glory and not my own.

5 Favorite Beauty Finds from 2018

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I love makeup and I love trying new makeup and beauty products to see what’s out there. Over the last several years I’ve noticed that my skin is really starting to change thanks to age and the hormonal changes that come with having babies. 

My skincare concerns this year were: Fine lines around my eyes, dry skin, and dark spots. I get melasma during pregnancy (dark, freckly patches on the face that never completely go away) so one of my biggest concerns was finding something that could conceal dark spots without being too heavy or sinking into fine lines. A surprisingly difficult thing to find! I want my makeup to look fairly natural and be as good for my skin as possible.

So all that being said, I thought I’d share five of the products I really ended up loving this year.

Dr. Jart+ Cicapair Tiger Grass Color Correcting  Treatment and Cicapair Tiger Grass Re.Pair Serum

I got little samples of these products when I purchased something else from Sephora and I ended up loving them right away. I had tried all kinds of foundations and concealers trying to cover those dark spots and everything ended up being too thick and very made-up looking or not heavy enough to actually cover anything. The thing I love about the Tiger Grass is it goes on green (which works wonders for concealing) and dries beige. It has the texture of a moisturizer and goes on smooth and natural. The serum adds an extra layer of moisture and gives a really nice glow.

Tarte Amazonian Clay BB Tinted Moisturizer

I love Tarte overall so when I was trying all those foundations and concealers Tarte was where I started (and ended lol). I like this BB cream because it does the work of several products all in one (moisturizer, SPF and color) while still feeling light and looking natural. I apply the Tiger Grass products first and then a few dots of this over top (followed by a loose finishing powder, blush, and highlighting powder on the cheek bones). My only complaint (and the reason I kept trying other products for a while) — this doesn’t offer full coverage so I do need something else in addition to help with the dark spots. 

Milk Makeup Kush High Volume Mascara

I’m a total mascara junkie. For years during high school and college I was obsessed with Max Factor 1000 Calorie mascara and then they stopped selling it in the US and crushed my little soul 😉 It literally took me until this year to find something I like just as well. This mascara is awesome because it’s super buildable without being cakey. The only thing I don’t like about it is it does flake off some throughout the day. 

Anastasia Beverly Hills Dipbrow Pomade

Eyebrows are hard…at least mine are. I like this pomade because it fills really well and using it with the brush designed for it makes it really easy to shape your brows without looking like Groucho Marx. The thing I don’t like about it is it doesn’t really set your brows so if anyone has a setting gel or whatever you love, let me know! Oh, and unrelated fun fact, my son calls eyebrows “eye-brellas” because they’re umbrellas for your eyes 🙂

Tarte Tarteist Double Take Eyeliner

I just started using this this week and absolutely love it. I’ve always used a crayon liner on my eyelid and a separate liquid liner on the bottom. But this has both in one — a crayon on one end and liquid on the other. Both go on beautifully too. Again, Tarte is good stuff. 

Anyway, I hope if you are trying to weed through the plethora of products out there or just want to try something new that these will give you some helpful ideas. And I’m always open to suggestions and trying something new myself so let me know what your favorite products are in the comments!

All the Lives We Live

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I turn 33 this week. Lately, I’ve thought a lot about how life, and we, change over time. Darren and I have said many times how we feel like completely different people from the ones we were before our children were born. I can think of many breaks in life where it feels, though I didn’t recognize it at the time, like I moved from being one person to another during a time of change.

From the scrappy, resourceful, dreaming tomboy I was growing up, to the still dreaming but much more girly teenager I grew into. I was outgoing and adventurous when I started college but much quieter and reserved by the time I finished. I was one girl before I fell in love with Darren, left my parent’s home and moved across the country to begin a new life married and working. And certainly the greatest break and change in person came when my son was born and I became not just myself, but a mother also.

So, looking back, it feels as though I’ve been many different people in my life. As though different seasons and circumstances have revealed many different facets of the same complicated soul. A line I’ve always loved from the movie Little Women comes to mind. Jo March is told she should have been a lawyer and she responds with:

I should have been a great many things.

Indeed, Ms. March, we all should and could have been a great many things were the circumstances and timing of our lives different. But as Jane Austen once said:

It could have turned out differently, I suppose. But it didn’t.

It seems much of my growing up and becoming happened quite young — in hard circumstances, in soil that allowed only for survival and not for petty or silly things to grow. I was scrappy because I needed to be. I was a dreamer because sometimes those dreams of something else were the only thing holding my head above water until the tide changed and landed my feet on more solid ground.

When life became more comfortable, I became more petty. Sometimes, I walk though the house I live in now, my house, filled with comfort and nice things, and I have to ask what the twelve-year-old version of myself might think. Why? Because at 12 I knew well what life was and was not about. I could separate the wheat from the chaff with a discerning eye because I had lived with only what I needed to survive and knew exactly how much I could do without. It’s a lesson I need to be reminded of often now that I have so much more and can easily get carried away in the currents of comfort and convenience.

Though we grow through many selves in our lives, sometimes our younger selves knew more and lived wiser than the older selves we’ve grown into. Age does not guarantee wisdom.

I believe now that our souls are ageless. The bodies in which our souls are housed grow, change, decay, pass away. But the soul is born with a certain depth beyond years and maintains a certain childishness it never grows out of. That is why children sometimes say and understand such profound things beyond their years. And why, I at 33, would gladly climb a tree or build a treehouse to play in if being an adult didn’t keep me too busy and proud to do such things. The soul is as it was — outside the restraint of years. The mind and heart grow and change as does the body but our soul remains the same — ageless, eternal.

So I reflect and wonder today about who I’ve been, become, and who I am yet to be. There is a thread of the soul, of my truest self, that has remained throughout each change. The dreamer. The romantic. The adventurer. The writer. The tender-hearted. The short-tempered. The restless. For all that has changed, these have remained. 

Each season, a different apparition of the soul. Spritely, fleeting visions of ourselves hidden and unearthed as we move and change through life. Our true self only to be fully known and understood on the other side of heaven. For now, we are each of us, sojourners in a strange land. Sojourners at times even in our own hearts and minds. Traveling ever onward until we find our way back Home.