I’ve noticed something about myself—a bit of a pattern in the rhythm of my life: Every couple of years I want to burn everything down and start over. I get restless first and crazy shortly thereafter.
I decide I can’t work this job for one more day—or I’ll go crazy. I can’t live in this house for one more day—or I’ll go crazy. I need a baby right now. I have to do this or stop doing that because I NEED a change and can’t go on like this anymore.
I’m at that crazy restless place again. It’s been too many years of the same and I am aching for something different and new.
Usually I get what I want…eventually. I plot and plan, scrimp and save, pester and fuss until the old breaks down and the new is built up around me. And I’m happy—for a while. Life is fresh and new and I’m not bored and restless anymore. I reinvent myself. Find something shiny and new…something different from the monotony of the same.
But right now I am stuck. We have our plans and we know change is around the bend. But that’s the problem…around the bend not right here in my bored little arms. I have to wait. I have to be patient. I have to keep working the job I want to quit. I have to keep living in the house I want to leave. I have to stand still when every fiber of my wild, restless being wants to run away.
There is much learning in the waiting. If I run from what I have, I can never get to what I want. I have to wait patiently through THIS to ever get to THAT.
I’ve been thinking about this restlessness and what it might teach me. I realize whenever I get uncomfortable in life, I do everything I can to make myself comfortable again. But I’m starting to wonder if discomfort is actually a very good thing.
After all, if I’m never uncomfortable then what would ever motivate me to move or change? Comfort is nice but it can be very destructive too if it keeps me from ever moving forward. I don’t like feeling wild and restless but this wildness wakes me up and gets me moving.
Not that the whole purpose of life is seeking comfort only. I’m simply saying that discomfort teaches me things comfort never can. Discomfort prods me onward and gives me a catalyst for change.
So I’m trying to value and learn from the wildness inside of me that is always wanting to run away, run on to the next thing. The next thing is probably fine and well—but the waiting and the discomfort—that is fine and well too.