Category Archives: Marriage + Relationships

You & Me

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Dear Darren,

Five years ago I said “I do” to you. That was pretty smart if you ask me. I love you for lots of reasons…someĀ reasons I can’t always pin down or articulate, some I can. Here’s a few—I love you {in part} because:

268012_10150229426821517_7391311_nYou makeĀ  me smile

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And you make me laugh…a lot…sort of foolishly at times…until I can’t stop and everyone is staring at me…so thanks for that.

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I love you because you are silly and don’t take yourself too seriously.

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I love you because you are gentle and kind and good to every living thing. Your heart is huge and I love every inch of it.

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I love you because every winter, the first time it snows, you build me a miniature snow man and leave it on the counter for me to find.

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I love you because, hello, those arms are absolutely fabulous…oh, and you built that frame to go around the mirror for me…but mostly I like your arms.

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I love you because you work so hard and because we have invested ourselves in so many projects together. Thanks for teaching me how to sheet rock, babe.

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I love you even though you throw me in the lake sometimes.

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I love you because you are adventurous.

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I love you because you pick flowers for me…and you get kisses for it too :]

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I love you because you are the best uncle to our nieces and nephewsĀ and I know someday, you will be the best dad too.

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I love you for so many reasons and am thankful for each day we’ve had together and I look forward to each day to come.

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P.S. I love you very, veryĀ much for agreeing to build a fortĀ on the living room floorĀ and stay up all night watching movies to celebrate our 5th anniversary. Seriously, do they even make men better than that? I say no.

Happy Birthday, America

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A brief intermission from the Europe posts to say—Happy Birthday, America.

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Yesterday, we took the train to Boston to see the fireworks light up the city.

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You hang a ribbon with a prayer written on it…many, many prayers for Boston in these days.

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A burger and fries for dinner at Cheers….because what is more American than a burger and fries…from Cheers?

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And then we found our place by the Charles River and listened to the Boston Pops playing live in the background.

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And we laughed at all the perfectly normal grownups dressed in their crazy patriotic outfits :]

And then….

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The sky lit up over the Charles River and the musicĀ soared around us and I was happy to be home, happy to be a part of this place, and happy to wish America a very happy birthday.

Behind the Clouds

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On Thursday a winter storm rolled in. Winter weather is always disappointing this time of year when our hearts are set on spring. Apparently Mother Nature does not care if sheā€™s a heartbreaker and was happy to shower us with snow and cold.

We couldn’t get our car up the hill we live on with all the snow on the road so we ended up abandoning it in a parking lot a mile from our house. Darren and I walked the rest of the way home at midnight with the snow still coming down. We were a sightĀ with Darren wearing my fur-lined hood and each of usĀ wearing one of his gloves. We were also carrying a box of ice cream because, snow or not, you donā€™t want to leave a perfectly good box of ice cream behind.

The next morning we grabbed a shovel and loaded backpacks up with rock salt hoping we would be able to get the car out of the snow. We bundled up and began marching back down the road to the car. We took about five steps before we started falling on our butts. Darren was walking along and fell flat on his bum. I try to be supportive so I laughed at him. He fell two or three more times and I started telling him he would have to walk alone if he was going to be so embarrassing and then I fell right flat on my bum too; thatā€™s what you get for running your mouth and teasing. Every time one of us would get up the other would fall down and we slipped and slid the whole way down the road. It was very funny really, and there is nothing you can do but laugh at yourself in a moment like that.

We made it to the car and were happy to see it hadnā€™t been towed; we were very worried about that. But it was very, very buried in snow. Honestly, you could hardly even see it in the snow drift. Darren started shoveling it out and I started cleaning it off but the snow was coming down so hard that all my work was covered right back up. We got in the car dripping wet with melting snow and after a couple tries, we were back on the road.

When the wind and the snow are blowing in your face and the whole world seems buried beneath a veil of grey and white, you canā€™t imagine that the snow will ever melt or the sun will ever shine. But we woke the next day to a clear blue sky and mild spring temperatures.

It is just like Robert Frost said in his poem:

ā€œThe sun was warm but the wind was chill.
You know how it is with an April day
When the sun is out and the wind is still,
Youā€™re one month on in the middle of May.
But if you so much as dare to speak,
A cloud comes over the sunlit arch,
A wind comes off a frozen peak,
And youā€™re two months back in the middle of March.ā€
From the poem Two Tramps in Mud Time

The warm temperatures quickly melted the snow off the roads and Darren and I actually went for another walk the next day—only this time it was for the pleasure of the warm air and sunshine and neither of us fell down. I kept looking at the cobalt sky and I was a little amazed that it had actually been there all along, only hidden behind the clouds and the snow. The blue sky never exactly went away; it was only veiled by the weather.

Life is like that too, I suppose. Life gets stormy and we fall down and itā€™s hard to imagine that the sun ever shone or will ever shine again. But it does. The clouds clear, we get back up, and the sun continues to shine. Even though we could not see it, the sun never stopped shining and the blue sky never failed. Our vision was veiled but nothing was ever really lost to the storms and clouds.

I’m trying to remember this,Ā thatĀ the sky is always blue…right behind the clouds.

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Four Years out of Forever

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Saturday was mine and Darren’sĀ four-year wedding anniversary. We were going to go to Quebec City in Canada to celebrate. That’s what we say every year. It’s always so hot and we always say, “you know, it would be so nice up in Canada right now.” But there’s just one thing about Canada…

Back when we were dating, Darren’s family wanted to take me to Canada. that’sĀ a great idea—onlyĀ I didn’t have a shred of ID on me. No worries, the Andrews say. It’s fine. You’re an American; the Americans will let you come back home. The Canadian border agents weren’t so confident but that didn’t discourage the in-laws. Off to Canada we go. It was lovely, of course—until I wanted to come home.

It turns out the State Troopers working the US/Canadian border aren’tĀ easily charmed when you try coming back into the States without any ID. It doesn’t help that Troopers completely freak me out. What with their puffy pants and tall leather boots, Troopers remind me of two things:Ā Male strippers and nazis. When I’m done giggling about the first, I’m completelyĀ freaked out by theĀ second. So I try not to cross them fancy pants Troopers—especially by crossing borders illegally.

I did eventually convince the border agents that I was a very nice law-abiding US citizen. But now I’m scared of Canada. What if the fancy pants Troopers recognize me? What if I forget my Passport again? I think at this point it’s more likely I would row a boat to Cuba than cross the Canadian border with passport in hand.

So00000000000000…….I decided since I’m a good solid Missouri girl, it was time to introduce Darren to all that is the Bass Pro Shop ba da daĀ da dahhhhh <—————- that was dramatic music.

You see, I love Darren and Darren loves boats so what could be better than wandering around the Bass Pro Shop looking at boats? I agree, nothing at all. We had a grand time and Darren even found just the right boat….I mean, not that we bought it, but yes, he found it. Maybe I’ll buy it for him for our 20th anniversary when we are shockingly rich. Yes, probably.

After that we decided on a whim to drive up to Portsmouth, New Hampshire. We always drive over Portsmouth when we cross the bridge from New Hampshire to Maine and we always say, “That town looks cute. We should stop there someday.” So yesterday was someday and we finally went exploring.

Okay, everybody grab a pen and paper; it’s time to take notes. Repeat after me: Portsmouth is the cutest place on earth. Write it down. Don’t forget. Go pack your bags because really, I promise, Portsmouth is the cutest place you’ll ever, ever go. Tonight when Darren falls asleep I’m going to pack up all our worldly goods and move us there. He’ll forgive me eventually and I’m pretty sure it’s worth the risk.

These were some of my favorite things:

There’s a German coffee shop

Darren likes to give me a hard time about my German background. He also likes to remind me of his “pure and far superior English bloodline.” The man thinks he’s royalty. So I couldn’t be more pleased with myself when I got himĀ into a coffee shop flying a German flag right outside.

He’s trying very hard to look like he doesn’t likeĀ the coffee but even he had to admit how good it was. Truth be told, it was even better than Dunkin’ Donuts—gasp. Speaking of Dunkin’ Donuts, I saw a man wearing a DD shirt that said, “Friends don’t let friends drink Starbucks.” I almost hugged him. But he was a stranger and that would be weird so I let him carry on with his peaceful little life.

I ordered a Dirty Chai Latte and Darren went around calling it a dirty German the rest of the day. Can you believe him?Ā So youĀ know what I did?

I opened the mouth on this fat cheeky shark….

….and I pushed him in bahahahaha! Take that you bloody Englishman.

Ā The German coffee wasĀ very good but you won’t believe what was even better…

There’s a vintage typewriter shop

Shut up.

And there’s perfectly inspiring street art

And there’s a man storeĀ 

And the city is old, old, old with cobblestone streets and beautiful old buildings. It’s so quint and peaceful and I’ve never been happier in my life.

I’m putting my things in a box right now. Don’t tell Darren.

Click here to read about the time we finally did make it to Quebec City šŸ™‚

Night Mail

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You want to hear a story?Ā Oh good.

So,Ā the husband and IĀ attended a university where guys and girls still live in separateĀ dorms across campus from each other.Ā You can call it old-fashioned but having separate dorms led to something rather adorable in my book: Night Mail.Ā You see,Ā the guys and girlsĀ each had a wooden box rigged up on wheels with a rope on the front to pull it around.Ā In these boxes the students would leave letters and packages addressed to each other and at night, after weĀ were all back in ourĀ rooms for curfew, a coupleĀ of guysĀ or girlsĀ (depending on who’s turn it was) would grab the wooden box and roll it across campus through the dark laughing and giggling about all the love letters and cologneĀ drenched envelopes being sent from one heart to another. Once to the other side of campus, the boxes were exchanged andĀ the letters dropped off in stacks at each of the dormitories. Then a couple more students would take the stacks of letters and slide them under Romeo or Juliet’s door. It was a hoot…and quite romantic, really. I remember how exciting it was when a letter with my name came sliding under the door. I would snatch it up, hop in bed, and pour over the words of the man who would later become my husband. Darren and I now have boxes of letters from our dating days. So much of our relationship is scripted out in the words we wrote back and forth as we came to know and love each other. Darren the artist filled his letters with drawings and illustrations that still make me smile when I come across them. My favorite pictureĀ he drew was of me calling him:

The little guyĀ jumping in the air–gets me every time :]

Between night mail and all the time we spent living across the country from each other, written letters became a staple inĀ our relationship–and we still write each other letters today. Sometimes old fashion is the best fashion of all, kidsĀ ;]

When It All Gets to Be Too Much

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Sometimes I feel like all I ever do isĀ gawk at a computer screen. Between working in front of a computer and writing on a computer, there are days when I literally spend hours connected to technology. Then you add in the time spent on Facebook, Twitter, reading other blogs and the news, online shopping, and all the other things I end up doing on the internet and sometimes it all just gets to beĀ too much. It’s a funny thing though, because even though I’m starting to get overwhelmed by hyper-connectivity, every time I pull away from the computer for a few minutes, I start to miss it. I start to wonder if anyone has said anything exciting on Facebook or if I’ve had any hits on my blog. I start to wonder if one of my favorite stores has put anything on sale online or if I have any email. It’s like I’m addicted to the screen–like I don’t know what else to do with myself if I’m not clicking around on the computer.

Yesterday I really started to stop and think about how much of myself I devote to screen time–and in doing so, how much of myself I take away from the people and things that should matter so much more than an email or an online sale. How often do I whittle away precious time with my husband by pulling out the laptop instead of sitting and talking to him? It’s amazing how the two of us can be in the same room, sitting right next to each other, and still be completely disconnected by the TV and internet standing between us.

I realize I’m starting to get burnt out and just need to take a break for a while. Fortunately, next week will be the perfect opportunity to do so. Darren and I will be taking a break together and will be cut off from internet, TV, video games, phone–the works. We’ll be spending time just the two of us without all the distractions of technology and hyper-connectivity.

I can’t wait to just sit and look at him. To look at the man who stole my heart in spite of all my fighting, the man who works so hard to provide for us and to show me his great love–just to sit and look at the big brown eyes that won me over 7 years ago and still win me over every single day. How could I ever pass those eyes up for a computer screen? Sorry to be so sappy, but I’m just starting to realize what I’ve been missing out on and can’t wait to really reconnect with a person, not the internet.

“As if you could kill time without injuring eternity.” Henry David Thoreau

Terrifying Love

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I have always struggled with fear. When I was dating, I was afraid of giving my heart to the wrong kind of guy and getting hurt. Now that Iā€™m happily married, Iā€™m terrified of losing the man I love to sickness or an accident. I would tell myself that thereā€™s nothing to worry about and everything is going to be fine but Iā€™ve known too many people who have gone through tremendous heartache to in any way believe that Iā€™m somehow immune to hurt and loss.

When Darren and I were dating, I almost broke up with him because I thought he was too good to be true and there must be something I donā€™t know that will break my heart down the road. I almost missed the best thing thatā€™s ever happened to me because of fear. Love takes tremendous vulnerability. Love means opening your heart and life up to someone in the most intimate way not fully knowing how that person will respond or how careful they will be with your heart and life. But if you ever want to really love someone, you must be willing to take this leap of faith. You must have the courage to take risks, to love even though love opens your heart and life up to vulnerability and the chance of excruciating pain–the risks must be taken to know both the heights and depths of love.

Now that Darren and I are married and I no longer worry thatā€™s heā€™s going to hurt me, I still fear losing him. I have never had so much to lose and now such a loss seems unbearable. But in loving Darren and giving my heart to him, I have learned one thing: If I lost Darren tomorrow, no matter how much it hurts, the hurt is worth the joy of having loved him. If we have but a day left together, I would still have married him three years age. The agonizing loss is worth the immense joy.

Donā€™t be afraid to love. Even if you get hurt, donā€™t let past hurts and mistakes keep you from future love and happiness. Love is worth the risk.