Tag Archives: Fear

The Edges of His Ways

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All the thunder and lightning and unpredictability of bad weather terrify me but the thunder and lightning are just the edges of the storm–the real story is above the clouds. I love flying above storms. The way the lightning billows through the clouds and seemingly sets the sky aflame is majestic. I’m not afraid of storms when I see them from above–when I see the whole picture. We only get to see the edges of God’s ways not the whole picture. Sometimes life terrifies me–I don’t know what’s going to happen next or what I’m supposed to do. If I could see the whole picture I might not be so be afraid–but I can’t. I must learn to believe that beyond my sight, the story has already been written and a plan is working its way out.  I must believe that the edges of God’s ways are enough for now and someday I will see the whole story from above–and it will be a majestic story of sovereign grace and love.

“Rock of my heart and my Fortress Tower,

Dear are Thy thoughts to me,

Like the unfolding of leaf or flower

Opening Silently.

And on the edges of these Thy ways,

Standing in awe as heretofore,

Thee do I worship,

Thee do I praise,

And adore.

Rock of my heart, and my Fortress Tower,

Dear is Thy love to me,

Search I the world for a word of power, Find it at Calvary—

O deeps of love that rise and flow

Round about me and all things mine,

Love of all loves, in Thee I know

Love Divine.”

-Poem by Amy Carmichael (italics mine)

Terrifying Love

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I have always struggled with fear. When I was dating, I was afraid of giving my heart to the wrong kind of guy and getting hurt. Now that I’m happily married, I’m terrified of losing the man I love to sickness or an accident. I would tell myself that there’s nothing to worry about and everything is going to be fine but I’ve known too many people who have gone through tremendous heartache to in any way believe that I’m somehow immune to hurt and loss.

When Darren and I were dating, I almost broke up with him because I thought he was too good to be true and there must be something I don’t know that will break my heart down the road. I almost missed the best thing that’s ever happened to me because of fear. Love takes tremendous vulnerability. Love means opening your heart and life up to someone in the most intimate way not fully knowing how that person will respond or how careful they will be with your heart and life. But if you ever want to really love someone, you must be willing to take this leap of faith. You must have the courage to take risks, to love even though love opens your heart and life up to vulnerability and the chance of excruciating pain–the risks must be taken to know both the heights and depths of love.

Now that Darren and I are married and I no longer worry that’s he’s going to hurt me, I still fear losing him. I have never had so much to lose and now such a loss seems unbearable. But in loving Darren and giving my heart to him, I have learned one thing: If I lost Darren tomorrow, no matter how much it hurts, the hurt is worth the joy of having loved him. If we have but a day left together, I would still have married him three years age. The agonizing loss is worth the immense joy.

Don’t be afraid to love. Even if you get hurt, don’t let past hurts and mistakes keep you from future love and happiness. Love is worth the risk.