I grew up in Missouri. Missouri has very few Dunkin Donuts; this is tragic and out of my control. I moved to New England. New England has a Dunkin Donuts (or two or three) on every corner in every town and no, I. am. not. exaggerating. Every corner people. Dunkin Donuts is the best thing that has ever happened to me. They say “America runs on Dunkin”—one thing is sure, New England runs on Dunkin like cars run on gas. We complain about the rising cost of fuel; no one complains about the cost of Dunkin fuel. You know why?
a) It is not expensive. It is the people’s coffee unlike other snooty brands that start with star and end with spending big bucks.
b) It does not matter if it is ever expensive because the people will pay for it and the people will drink it because the people of New England must needs have their Dunkin. Hail Dunkin Donuts!
There have been several major natural disasters in the last year around here. To start, there was a tornado. Said tornado came offensively close to hitting our house. It did hit our car and our trees but you know what? After my husband and I confirmed that our house was still standing, we next wanted to know, “Is our local Dunkin okay?” It was, by the way and it’s a good thing because I dare say we would have moved to a different town altogether if there were no Dunkin left standing in ours.
Then there was a snowapocalypse in October. Everyone and their uncle in New England lost power for days and days. Let me tell you, we had no power for almost a week. It was freezing out and we had no heat, no water, we couldn’t even flush the toilette. Oh, and my parents were in town visiting (of course they were). And the car was well nigh out of gas and there were no gas stations open and we were almost out of food and no grocery stores were open. And you want to know what the worst thing of all was? Of course you do. THERE WERE NO DUNKIN DONUTS OPEN FOR LIKE THREE DAYS. I almost killed myself. That’s what happens when you become dependent on a substance and bam, you can’t have it for three days. Let me tell you folks, them were the worst three days New England’s ever seen because you have all these coffee deprived zombies wandering the streets looking for a cup of Dunkin. It was very nearly the end of the world.
Dunkin Donuts makes me happy.
I would like to be a world traveler you know, but I’ve come to reconcile myself to the fact that I cannot leave New England and stray too far from Dunkin. I will never live in another part of the country because it’s too big a risk that I’ll have to drive more than a mile to get a coffee.
Iced mocha latte with whole milk and sugar! Be still my soul.
Mint hot chocolate with a Turbo shot of espresso and extra whipped cream! Welcome to glory.
Hot pumpkin latte with whole milk and sugar! Have mercy.
Oh, and did I mention the amazingly friendly staff at Dunkin that always have my husband’s coffee on the counter for him made to his exact specifications before he even gets up to order? THESE PEOPLE SHOULD BE RUNNING THE COUNTRY! Move aside Obama, it’s time for change. Talk about uniting parties, yes, I dare say Dunkin can do that. I vote we truck Dunkin into the Senate and see how quick they start loving and hugging.
DUNKIN TO THE PEOPLE!