Category Archives: Faith + God

Perspective

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I spent Saturday exploring Plymouth, Mass where the Pilgrims first explored this land. In the late afternoon, a storm blew in over the ocean. A fierce wall of slate gray clouds stretched like reaching hands over the face of the water bringing darkness and chill of cold air over everything it touched. I stood by the bay awestruck (and a little scared) by the clouds billowing and changing overhead. There’s no view quite like a storm at sea. You stand by and watch as in slow motion the storm reaches and stretches consuming every sliver of sunshine and blue sky in its path. Huge swaths of rain fall and wave like ribbons. I stand on the bay snapping pictures of the ever-changing sky until the winds blow hard and the drops begin to fall–then it’s a race back to the car before the torrents let loose and all the slate gray from above comes splashing down below.

Today I’m home caught again in the ruckus of a thunderstorm. The rain falls fast and hard as the gray clouds zip by overhead. But today I can’t see the storm–only the rain and the sound of thunder. There’s no panoramic view or way to gain perspective on all that rumbles above. I couldn’t see the storm coming and I don’t know when it will leave.

Isn’t life the same? If only I could stand on the bay and watch life stretch out before me. If only I could see the story beginning to end–dark though it may be and threatening, at least I would know. I would know when to stand in awe snapping pictures of the overwhelming beauty and when to run for cover from the heartache and hurt. But life doesn’t give us warning or panoramic views. Life doesn’t tell us when heartache is coming or when it will leave. We stand in the storm seeing and hearing only the rain and thunder–not the beauty and majesty of the clouds that bring our trouble. I think of the storm at sea, and try to remember that even trouble falls from beauty and brings beauty in its wake. The storm lasts for a season and at times we believe we will be consumed–but we won’t. There is brightness after the rain. Rainbows to bring light, color, and the hope of a promise.

God may come in storm clouds dark, fall on us in trials and pain–but there is beauty in the panorama of it all. If we could stand on the bay and see his plan–see his purpose stretch out in fierce beauty from beginning to end–then we would understand. Then we would be awestruck at his divine plan. We would stand in the falling rain, and though we may be afraid of the storm clouds and thunder overhead, we would see there is a beginning and an end–a purpose stretching with beauty and hope through all the dark clouds and rain drops that beat around us.

Though you stand in the thunderstorm and see no plan. Though your heart is broken and overwhelmed. Know, always know, there is beauty overhead. Know the rain falls from beauty and brings beauty in its wake. Know, always know, there is a plan.

The Too Busy Church and What it Has to Lose

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Church is a very busy place. In addition to the regular Sunday services, many churches also have programs galore for all ages almost every day of the week. The programs alone are not a bad idea; having a Bible study for women or a special activity for teens can go a long way in building relationships both with God and each other. But in trying to be actively involved in church, many families find themselves pulled in a million directions all at once. You worship together as a family on Sunday, mom is gone to a program for ladies on Tuesday, you’re back for prayer meeting on Wednesday, your teenager is dropped off for a youth activity on Thursday, and your 3rd grader is taken to a special program on Friday. Don’t forget the men’s prayer breakfast on Saturday and you’re back again on Sunday morning. And that’s just church stuff–not work, school, or any of the other activities a family participates in.

We have families running, running, running trying to keep up. But what are we keeping up with anyway? With each other? With the expectations of our fellow church members? With God and what we perceive he requires of us? With our own perfectionistic standards? What? Sometimes when we are trying our hardest to do everything right and make everyone happy, we lose sight of what actually matters most. We exchange the busyness of activities about God for quiet time actually spent talking to God. We trade programs intended to build up families for actual time with our families.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not trying to bash church or any of the opportunities a church offers. I know each program offered is meant to help believers, not hinder them. I love my church family and love the time I get to spend with them. But I also see individuals and families are the building blocks of any church. If families grow too busy to spend time with God and each other, then the building blocks of a church can begin to crumble. A church family is only as strong and healthy as the individual families of which it’s comprised. If families are falling apart because they’re too busy to stop and listen to each other, to solve problems and grow together, what will become of the family of God as a whole?

With all the opportunities and distractions life offers, I only hope we can learn to keep our priorities straight. To love God first–and because we love him and desire to worship him together–to gather in church as the family of God. But in doing so, not to become bogged down and distracted by extra activities that pull us away from what should be our next priority–our families. If we want to honor Christ and worship him together, let’s honor him privately in our individual lives and homes by setting aside all that weighs us down and focus on all that brings us closer to him and the people who matter most. Let’s value our families and the time we spend with them, remembering if we lose our relationships with them, we have already hurt the family of God even if we do show up for church on Sunday.

Not Without Light

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On Sunday, Darren and I drove home from Maine with our two little nephews in tow. One of the boys was chattering from the backseat about the moon and about how dark it would be at night if we had no moon. The other nephew confidently informed us that earth has two suns and there was no convincing him otherwise–but that has nothing to do with this conversation :] My nephew’s chatter about the moon lighting up the night made me think of Genesis 1:16

“And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also” (KJV).

It is interesting that in nature, as in life, God does not leave us without light. In the dark of night, God gives us light–even if just enough to find our way through the surrounding blackness.

I believe nature gives us a glimpse of God–of his nature and character. Like the words of a writer or the strokes of an artist tell something of their creator, so the restless ocean, the bird in flight, the sweeping prairie grass each tell something of their creator–of the Divine Artist who painted and wrote them into existence. God didn’t have to paint light into the darkness; he could have left us to wonder through the blackness until the sun’s return–but he didn’t. He gave us the moon and the stars with just enough light to give hope of the sun’s return.

The same is true in the blackness of our lives. There are dark days, sometimes dark months and years. But even in the darkness, there is light and hope. Sometimes the light is dim, veiled, hidden behind the clouds and difficult to find–but it’s there, it’s always there. God, the painter of light, creator of sun and moon, gives us his light–his hope and peace in the darkness.

If you are prodding in the darkness, feeling lost and unsure, know the light is there–behind the clouds, behind the heartache or uncertainty–the light is there, it’s always there.

“I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.” C.S. Lewis

I Won’t Forgive

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I don’t think I normally have a lot of trouble forgiving people and moving on with life. I know people make mistakes and I make mistakes and you just have to deal with it and let go. Lately though, something that happened years ago has kept coming to the forefront of my mind. Every time I think about it, I think I will never forgive that person, I will never love them, I will never let go. I know bitterness destroys people. I know refusing to forgive hurts me more than it will ever hurt the other person because it will eat away at me without them ever knowing. Still I felt what this person did was unforgivable and I also felt very strongly that forgiving meant letting what they did be okay. It meant letting them off the hook and acting like nothing ever happened. I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t pretend everything was okay and just go on with life like nothing ever happened.

Then earlier this week I read a blog post by Don Miller that got me thinking. Miller talked about playing the victim and using unforgiveness to control and hurt people. Miller’s words made me realize I was telling myself that if I just keep this anger hot and fresh inside of me then that person will never be able to get close enough to hurt me again. If I keep this wound open then I will always remember why this person is unforgivable and so deserving of my anger. Miller’s post bothered me but it didn’t bother me enough to make me change anything; it just got me thinking in the right direction.

Then today I was reading Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis and the chapter I opened up to was called “Forgiveness.” Great. The chapter after that was called “The Great Sin” (referring to pride). Fantastic. And finally the next chapter was called “Charity” (referring to love of course). Super. There I was snuggled up on the couch with a big mug of hot tea ready for an afternoon of encouraging words from one of my favorite authors–that is not what I got. What I got was a heart and soul on fire with conviction. What a got were hard answers to the hard questions I have been asking God (How can I forgive this person? Followed by I will not forgive this person. How can I love this person? Followed by I will not love this person). I have noticed lately when I ask God a question that I think doesn’t have an answer, he answers me anyway whether I like or not.

In the chapter about forgiveness, Lewis says the following: “‘Forgive us our sins as we forgive those that sin against us.’ There is no slightest suggestion that we are offered forgiveness on any other terms. It is made perfectly clear that if we do not forgive we shall not be forgiven (Mere Christianity, p.116). These words shook me up a little bit. It bothered me to think that if I can’t get past this anger inside of me then God is by no means obligated to forgive my sins either.

Lewis goes on to say: “We might try to understand exactly what loving your neighbour as yourself means. I have to love him as I love myself. Well, how exactly do I love myself? Now that I come to think of it, I have not exactly got a feeling of fondness or affection for myself, and I do not even always enjoy my own society. So apparently ‘Love your neighbour’ does not mean ‘feel fond of him’ or ‘find him attractive’. …So loving my enemies does not apparently mean thinking them nice either. That is an enormous relief. For a good many people imagine that forgiving your enemies means making out that they are really not such bad fellows after all, when it is quite plain that they are. Go a step further. In my most clear-sighted moments not only do I not think myself a nice man, but I know that I am a very nasty one. I can look at some of the things I have done with horror and loathing. So apparently I am allowed to loathe and hate some of the things my enemies do. … For a long time I used to think this was a silly, straw-splitting distinction: how could you hate what a man did and not hate the man? But years later it occurred to me that there was one man to whom I had been doing this all my life–namely myself. However much I might dislike my own cowardice or conceit or greed, I went on loving myself. … In fact the very reason why I hated the things was that I loved the man. Just because I loved myself, I was sorry to find that I was the sort of man who did those things. Consequently, Christianity does not want us to reduce by one atom the hatred we feel for cruelty and treachery. We ought to hate them. Not one word of what we have said need be unsaid. But it does want us to hate them in the same way in which we hate things in ourselves: being sorry that the man should have done such things, and hoping, if it possible, that somehow, sometime, somewhere he can be cured and made human again. …Now a step further. Does loving your enemy mean not punishing him? No, for loving myself does not mean that I ought not to subject myself to punishment–even to death. If you had committed a murder, the right Christian thing to do would be to give yourself up to the police and be hanged. We may kill if necessary, but we must not hate and enjoy hating. We may punish if necessary, but we must not enjoy it. In other words, something inside us, the feeling of resentment, the feeling that wants to get one’s own back, must be simply killed. I do not mean that anyone can decide this moment that he will never feel it any more. That is not how things happen. I mean that every time it bobs its head up, day after day, year after year, all our lives long, we must hit it on the head. It is hard work, but the attempt is not impossible. … That is what is meant in the Bible by loving him: wishing his good, not feeling fond of him nor saying he is nice when he is not” (Mere Christianity, pp. 116-118 & 120, italics mine).

As I said before, my big hang-up with forgiving this particular person was the idea of pretending what they did was okay and acting like I’m just going to forget about it. What they did will never be okay, and unfortunately, I’ll never be able to forget about it either. But Lewis made me realize forgetting and pretending everything is perfectly fine is not what God is asking me to do; that is not forgiveness. When I realized forgiveness is wanting good for the other person, well, that is still hard to do, but it doesn’t feel like a lie–it doesn’t feel impossible. When I was telling God I wouldn’t forgive this person, I kept telling him I wanted to but it just wasn’t possible. I told God he would have to forgive this person for me because I couldn’t do it or he would just have to forgive me for my own unforgiveness–I genuinely felt there was no other answer, no other way to solve the problem. I realize now there is a way but it required I first understand what forgiveness really is and what I must do to offer this forgiveness. I am so relieved to know that this anger, even though it will rear its head again, does not have to hang over and control me forever.

I am so thankful God not only forgives me but patiently teaches me how to offer that same forgiveness to others in the darkest hour.

The Day Is Not Your Own

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Yesterday was not exactly an ideal day for me. Nothing really bad happened but nothing went quite right either. By the end of the day I was tired and frustrated and a complete savage to be around. I was griping and grumbling to myself and thought “this is just not my day.” That’s when I felt a prick in my conscience like a splinter being removed from my soul and the thought occurred to me “no, it’s not your day; this is the day the Lord made and you’re supposed to rejoice and be glad in it.” Ouch. The verse I’m referring to (Ps. 118:24) does not say “if your day is going well then be sure to rejoice.” No, it just says rejoice and be glad–no matter what. This is God’s day; he made it—it’s his. So no matter what happens today, God help me to rejoice and be glad in your day.

“I think we all sin by needlessly disobeying the apostolic injunction to “rejoice” as much as by anything else” C.S. Lewis

“This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalm 118:24, ESV)

Legalism and the Law of God

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le•gal•ism  (lē’gǝl•iz’ǝm) n.

1. Strict conformity to law; especially, the stressing of the letter and forms of the law rather than the spirit of justice. 2. Theol. The doctrine of salvation by works or strict adherence to a religious code rather than by grace.

le•gal•i•ty (li•gal’ ǝ•te) n. pl.

1. The condition or quality of being legal; lawfulness.  2. Adherence to law. (As defined by Funk & Wagnalls Standard College Dictionary)

   There is difference between legalism and the law of God. Obeying the law of God does not make you a legalist. Believing that obeying the law of God will justify or save you, that is legalism. Even though obedience to the law can’t save us, God still requires our obedience.

   I have been a legalist before and it was a miserable time in my life–I’m so thankful God saved me from that and showed me that I can not and should not try to save myself. After coming out of legalism though, I went through a time when I wanted to cast off all rules and restrictions and use “grace” as an excuse for whatever I wanted. I am finally starting to find myself in the middle–realizing what a joy and gift the law of God really is. I am starting to see that even though the law is powerless in saving my soul, it is still very powerful in directing my life and helping me be all that God desires.

   Like the rules parents set for a home and children, so God sets rules for us–not to bind us up but to set us free. We are free when we obey the laws of God because they are meant always to protect and guide us into a better relationship with God and man. God’s laws are practical, intentional, and always for our good. Obedience to God’s laws puts us on a straight path and helps guard our hearts and lives from unnecessary heartache and trouble. I’m not saying obedience means a life filled only with happiness and ease–sometimes sanctifying heartache is very much a part of that straight path towards God.

  All I’m saying is this–don’t despise the laws of God, don’t run from his rules in search of freedom–freedom is found in obedience. David often spoke in the Psalms about how much he loved and delighted in the law of God because he recognized that the law was meant for his good. The times when David chose to disobey the laws of God were also the times when his heart was broken and his life began to crumble. Trust always that God has your best in mind and his laws are meant as a loving guide towards freedom and happiness.

“This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.” Joshua 1:8 (ESV, italics mine).

The Potter and the Clay

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“Yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.” Isaiah 64:8

When I was in college I decided to take a pottery class. I thought pottery would be easy and who wouldn’t want to get college credit for playing in the mud? Well, pottery ended up being one of the hardest, most time-consuming classes I ever took–and one of the most enjoyable too. In molding pottery with my own hands, I came to better understand the heart of God when he refers to himself as the potter and we as the clay.

Molding pottery is an intimate, messy labor of love. The part I love the most about pottery is the way the artist’s fingerprints end up on every part of their creation. As the soft clay spins between my hands on the wheel, my every movement changes the shape of what I create. My fingerprints weave in and out along the surface of the clay and what I am creating becomes as unique as the pattern of my fingerprints.

God is the potter molding our lives in his hands. His fingerprints write a unique story on our hearts as we are molded and shaped by his creative plan. He is as intimately involved in the shaping of our lives as the potter is in the shaping of the messy clay.

Clay is delicate and fragile. All it takes to destroy a work of art is one wrong move when the clay is spinning on the wheel or an accidental drop and the whole thing is shattered. After all the time and labor that goes into making a piece of pottery, the artist is quite protective of his work and is extremely proud of the beauty that has been formed from a simple lump of mud. God labors in his creation–and he carefully protects that which he has created. Why would he so labor only to shatter what he has made? He doesn’t–he protects and takes pride in his creation–in what he has formed from the dust of the earth.

When you are making pottery, you start with a lumpy ball of clay full of flaws and imperfections. To even begin forming anything of value, you first have to work the clay into a balanced circle on the wheel that is free of bumps and air bubbles. To do this, you knead the clay with both hands by pressing it hard against the wheel and slowly working the outside walls in until the whole thing is balanced and centered. Like the clay, we too start out as lumpy mounds of imperfection. But God gathers us up in his hands and begins his creative work. To work the flaws out of us, he must push, pressure, and pull us into usable pieces of clay–this is a messy, exhausting labor of love but it is essential if we are to ever become useful in the potter’s hands.

Once the clay is balanced you open it up in the middle and begin pulling it up from the sides into the shape you want. Once it is pushed and pulled into shape, you carefully remove it from the wheel and let it dry to the “leather-hard” stage. At this stage you put the clay back on the wheel upside-down and trim away excess, rough edges, and give the piece more shape and character. Like the clay, after working on us for a time, God often gives us times of rest and refreshment so we don’t grow overwhelmed–but his work is not done. There is still much trimming to do and this sometimes means putting us on our heads and turning our world upside-down to trim away the excess and rough spots so that he may ultimately add more beauty and character to our muddy lives.

Once the piece is trimmed you are ready for the first firing which hardens the clay and prepares the surface for glazing.  Again, like clay in the potter’s hands, God puts us through “fires” of testing to make us stronger. Even though it seems like the fire is destructive, it is actually the only way a piece of pottery can reach its full potential and be prepared for what makes it really beautiful–the glaze. Out of the fire comes a beautiful piece of pottery well worth all the mess and labor.

“I waited patiently for the LORD; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD.” Psalm 40:1-3 (italics mine)

Note: None of these pictures portray me making pottery or anything that I have made. All credit for both the pictures and the pottery go to the individual artists.

Other Scripture regarding the potter and the clay: Isaiah 45:9,  Jon 10:8-9 and 33:6 and Romans 9:20-21.

Knocking On The Wrong Door

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       Eighteen months ago I quit my job and had no idea what I was supposed to do with my life. The smart one (my husband) had also left his job but had at least already lined something else up–he was taking a risk but he had a job and his brains to back him up. Not me, I was scanning the internet and newspaper in a panicked flurry trying to figure out how to get myself out of the mess of joblessness I had created. All along I was praying that God would open doors and lead me into just the right job–and I prayed, and hunted, and prayed, and hunted…on and on it went.

       Then it occurred to me–maybe I was pounding on all the wrong doors and asking for all the wrong things. Maybe the reason I couldn’t find a full-time job was because I wasn’t supposed to have one. After all, the reason Darren and I decided to quit our jobs in the first place was because Darren was working 70+ hours a week and I was working an odd schedule so there were days when the only times we saw each other were when we got up in the morning and when we went to the bed at night. I would sit in the apartment all day by myself only to leave for work when Darren was getting home. It got to the point where we decided what we were doing just wasn’t working anymore and it was time for a change. The change we had in mind was both of us working normal Monday to Friday 8 to 5 jobs not me being jobless. Darren upheld his end of the deal while I grew frustrated and discouraged.

       But then I had that thought–that maybe the reason I wasn’t getting anywhere was because I was going in the wrong direction and God just wasn’t going to open the wrong door for me. Maybe God had a different door for me to walk through and if I would just stop trying to break down the door I wanted He would open the right door for me without the struggle. Even with this thought percolating in my brain, I knew I couldn’t just tell Daren, “Guess what? I’m not looking for a job after all so have fun working yourself to death while I chillax.” When Darren took his new job it was with the understanding that we would both be working and that would lessen the risk of him starting over with fewer hours and a pay cut. Oh, and did I mention we had just bought a house? Oh ya, ya we did. I had no idea what to do.

       Then Darren surprised me–he came home one day and told me he really loved the way life was without both of us working. He loved working normal hours and his new job was working out beautifully. He loved coming home to me and actually getting to spend time together. He loved having the weekends to go places and do things together and maybe another hectic full-time job wasn’t the best thing for me (or us) right now. His words were the answer I needed. Knowing that he was loving life as much as I was, that he wasn’t worried about money, and that he wouldn’t be disappointed in me if I decided to stop working–it was a huge relief and the push I needed to make up my mind and settle on staying home.

       Once I stopped trying to break down the wrong door with a sledge-hammer the right doors opened up. I enjoyed staying home and spending time with Darren and eventually a position opened up for me at the same company where Darren works. So I found my job after all and we still get to enjoy a peaceful life together (I mean we work together and come home together!) and everything worked out when I was finally willing to let go of my plan and open my heart to God’s plan.

       If you’re pounding and pounding and the door is locked tight maybe you’re pounding on the wrong door. Maybe God has closed that door tight because he has a different door open and waiting for you if you’ll just walk through it.

The Edges of His Ways

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All the thunder and lightning and unpredictability of bad weather terrify me but the thunder and lightning are just the edges of the storm–the real story is above the clouds. I love flying above storms. The way the lightning billows through the clouds and seemingly sets the sky aflame is majestic. I’m not afraid of storms when I see them from above–when I see the whole picture. We only get to see the edges of God’s ways not the whole picture. Sometimes life terrifies me–I don’t know what’s going to happen next or what I’m supposed to do. If I could see the whole picture I might not be so be afraid–but I can’t. I must learn to believe that beyond my sight, the story has already been written and a plan is working its way out.  I must believe that the edges of God’s ways are enough for now and someday I will see the whole story from above–and it will be a majestic story of sovereign grace and love.

“Rock of my heart and my Fortress Tower,

Dear are Thy thoughts to me,

Like the unfolding of leaf or flower

Opening Silently.

And on the edges of these Thy ways,

Standing in awe as heretofore,

Thee do I worship,

Thee do I praise,

And adore.

Rock of my heart, and my Fortress Tower,

Dear is Thy love to me,

Search I the world for a word of power, Find it at Calvary—

O deeps of love that rise and flow

Round about me and all things mine,

Love of all loves, in Thee I know

Love Divine.”

-Poem by Amy Carmichael (italics mine)

Running in Circles

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Do you ever wonder what the point of  life is? You get up every day and go to work, come home and eat dinner, hang out for a few minutes before bed, and then do it all over again the next day. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. There are many things that I would like to accomplish, things that I feel might matter in the long-run, but then there’s the pesky problem of working 8 to 5, buying groceries and cooking dinners, doing laundry, paying bills, and on and on the list goes of the things we must do to survive but find no real satisfaction or meaning in. I am struck by how both busy and how empty life can be.

Sometimes I think the emptier we are, the more we do. We try to feel inner voids with outer activity. If you keep your hands busy, you won’t give your mind time to figure out how unhappy you are. So we work, and play, and run and run in vast circles of nothingness.

The other night my husband and I sat up late talking and I asked him if he was happy with life. His answer, bitingly honest, was yes sort of, but what’s the point? Yes, we’re happy in our marriage and we’re thankful for many things but what are we actually accomplishing? Our lives our filled with necessary obligations–work and church and a million other things–but when we get to the end of it all, if our lives were over tomorrow, what would we have accomplished? What would have mattered?

Apart from necessities, I can think of only two things that I would carry to the grave with meaning–love and relationships. My love for Darren matters–if I lost him tomorrow, every minute up until that moment would have mattered and always will matter to me. Love is my most meaningful “accomplishment.”  My relationships with God and other people–friends and family–matter too. All the rest is just necessity–we work to eat and eat to live–and live to love.

I think in order to fill our lives with meaning, we must first stop filling them with mindless activities. Ever since our conversation that night, my husband and I have been asking ourselves what we can eliminate in order to slow life down and to spend more time together. This is not an easy task because it means saying no to many people and many things and this sometimes gives people the impression that you’re not interested in being a part of what’s going on. Whatever people may think though, my goal is simple–build relationships, be quiet enough to hear the people in my life speaking their hearts and minds to me, sit still and take in the world around me–nature and all God has given us to enjoy and better know him. Slow down, sit and eat dinner and sip a cup of coffee and stop always hurrying mindlessly from pointless point A to pointless point B. If I am too busy to know God, know people, and know love, them I’m too busy. Whatever else I may accomplish, in the end I accomplish nothing if not love for God and people.