I’ve been going back and forth debating about whether or not to share this and decided I should since it’s something that’s really been on my mind.

On the 4th of July, my husband and I watched a woman die right in front of us.

We were on our way to see fireworks like everyone else that night. We had just left my brother-in-law’s house when we saw a guy and girl jump off a motorcycle and go running down the sidewalk beside us. They just dropped the bike on the ground and took off and I wondered what was so important that they couldn’t even park the bike. I looked away from them running for a second and saw a woman lying in the road right in front of us. I grabbed Darren’s arm and told him to “Stop! Stop! Stop! There’s a woman in the road!” He stopped the car right in front of her.

I looked back at the man and woman from the motorcycle as they ran past our car screaming. There were parts of another motorcycle laying all over the road and a car that looked like it had been hit. I started to dial 911 but before I could even put the number through an ambulance pulled in beside us.

The woman lay in front of us, eyes closed, motionless. We were hoping she was just knocked out. We thought since the ambulance got there immediately, maybe she would be okay. She wasn’t. She died right there in the middle of the road.

The woman on the motorcycle collided head on with the vehicle in front of us. The impact was so great it broke her bike into pieces and killed her almost instantly.

I found out later the man who jumped off the other bike was the woman’s husband.

I watched a man watch his wife die in the middle of the road; I can’t get that out of my head.

Watching someone die stops you in your tracks. Death makes you look at life in gripping detail.

This accident happened three days before mine and Darren’s anniversary and this woman’s death was heavy on our minds and in our words often as we spent that weekend away together.

We look back now and realize how different all could have been.

We look back and realize if we had left the house even seconds sooner, we could have been the car that hit her. It’s hard to comprehend the timing; my brother-in-law left seconds before us. We had to turn the car around and left right after him. Somehow, in the time we turned around, the car involved in the accident got between my bro-in-law and us.

How does it happen that a fatal accident occurs between our two vehicles only seconds down the road from each other and none of us were hurt or involved?

I think about all these things anew today as I hear about the shooting in Colorado. What grips me most is the story of a fellow WordPress blogger, Jessica Redfield (blog), who was killed last night in the theatre shooting. Just a month before, Jessica had dodged a mall shooting that took place minutes after she stepped outside (read full story here) . In her blog post about the mall shooting Jessica said:

“I was shown how fragile life was on Saturday. I saw the terror on bystanders’ faces. I saw the victims of a senseless crime. I saw lives change. I was reminded that we don’t know when or where our time on Earth will end. When or where we will breathe our last breath. For one man, it was in the middle of a busy food court on a Saturday evening.

I say all the time that every moment we have to live our life is a blessing. So often I have found myself taking it for granted. Every hug from a family member. Every laugh we share with friends. Even the times of solitude are all blessings. Every second of every day is a gift. After Saturday evening, I know I truly understand how blessed I am for each second I am given.”

And now, just a month later, in yet another random shooting, Jessica is dead. She was one of us—a writer, a blogger, a WordPresser, a girl living life and telling stories—just like us.

And now she’s gone like so many others who lost their lives last night.

It all makes me stop and think about how delicate our short lives are. I don’t share all this to scare people. I share it because, like Jessica, after I watched a woman die, I realized how easily it could have been me. I realized that I don’t know when I’ll live my last day or take my last breath.

After watching that woman die, I’ve seen myself differently in the day-to-day. When I get upset at Darren over something stupid, I’m struck by the reality that my petty, frustrated words could be the last ones I ever speak to him.

During the day before we came up on that accident, Darren and I argued about who would go from work to pick up lunch. We complained about the heat and the traffic. Those words could have been the last ever spoken to each other.

I’m so thankful they weren’t.

I’m so thankful I got to snuggle up with him that night and tell him I was sorry for my words earlier in the day.

I’m so thankful we got to spend that weekend together celebrating our anniversary.

I’m so thankful for every moment and every breath we get together.

Because, as much as I don’t want to think about it, we never know what words will be our last words. We never know—and that very uncertainty has sunk into my soul.

When I catch myself being petty, I must stop and realize that I don’t know and there’s not a moment to waste on anything but love.

My heart goes out to everyone involved in the Colorado shooting.

God give them grace.

–Kari

Sometimes I can’t figure out what the point of life is. Every day is so much like the last with work, bills, cooking, and cleaning. We go through the same routine over and over just to accomplish all we need to survive in this world for one more day. But why? Isn’t there more purpose and meaning to my life than doing the laundry and filling out stacks of paper at work?

I was thinking through all these morbid little thoughts the other day and the thought hit me: The point is not the activity; the point is the result of the activity.

Let me explain: At work, I sit at a desk filling out stacks of mindless paperwork. I hate that desk. I swear, some of that paperwork ate parts of my soul and is eyeing my imagination and creativity next. Sometimes I think I might die at that desk…just die of boredom right there in my chair. But then I had that thought and it made me realize the point is not the work I do sitting at that desk, the point is the character I’m developing by sitting there doing stuff I don’t want to. Sitting there has helped me develop (mostly against my will) patience, endurance, persistence, and the ability to push through and accomplish what I must even if I think it might kill me. The work itself seems pointless; it seems like I’m whittling my life away on nonsense. But, there is purpose—that being the better person I am hopefully becoming by pushing through difficult situations.

I know it’s been said many times in many ways, “Life is a journey not a destination.” I’ve heard that saying so many times the truth in it was lost on me. But I’m starting to realize how true it is that life is more than just a race from one goal to the next. Life is more than what I do day in and day out. Life is the person I’m becoming. Life is the lessons I’m learning. Life is routine, yes, but even the routine serves a purpose in helping me grow and change through the boredom and struggles.

I’m starting to realize I need to stop getting bogged down in the daily responsibilities of life and need to start looking for the lessons and opportunities in my daily routine. I know myself. I know I will always get bored easy and I will always hate that desk. I love change and love having something new and exciting to look forward to. But life doesn’t always work that way. Sometimes you just have to sit at your desk and fill out paperwork like a grownup.

This is the life I’ve been given and this is the road I’m on right now. So rather than trying to just change and escape my present circumstances, what can and should I be doing to grow and change right now today? That’s a question I will be asking myself a lot going forward.

Someday that desk will be behind me; but I hope it’s not left behind even one day before I’ve learned to accept the life I have with gratitude and contentment and not one day before I’ve learned to grow and change wherever I am, whatever I’m doing.

“Fear and doubt always seem to find people who are looking for them; hope and courage do the same thing.” Bob Goff

Expectations about life can really trip you up. I tend to have lots of expectation about how events will go, how doing different things will make me feel (getting married, buying a house, having a baby, etc.). It’s hard not to picture what life will be like down the road–how this or that will turn out. But the problem with expectations is, they often lead to disappointment.

If I picture something a certain way and it doesn’t end up turning out as I imagined, bam, I’m disappointed. Rather than just letting life happen organically and enjoying each moment one step at a time as it is, I run around frantically trying to make things unfold as I pictured them–and when they don’t, I think something is wrong just because it’s not what I imagined.

Even worse than the expectations I build up in my own head are the expectations other people put in my head. We’re probably all guilty of it–of projecting our own feelings and experiences onto the feelings and experiences of other people. We tell the soon-to-be-bride, “Oh, when you walk down the aisle and see him standing there, you’re going to feel such-and-such.” What this actually means is when I walked down the aisle and saw him standing there I felt such and such–who knows what you’ll feel and who says you have to feel the same way I did anyway?

An example I hear a lot right now is, “when you have a baby of your own and you’re finally holding that little bundle in your arms, it will be like this.” This is all fine and well, people of course mean no harm, but the problem is, what if I think I’m supposed to feel a certain way when I hold my own baby and, well–I just don’t? If I get in my head that this experience is supposed to unfold just so and make me feel just a certain way, I might be disappointed or think something is wrong when those feelings aren’t there. Instead of soaking up and enjoying an experience and letting the thoughts and feeling come as they may, I end up missing out on the unique beauty of that moment by stressing about not feeling “right.”

I expect when I do hold a child of my own, it will be overwhelming, like no other experience I’ve ever had, and perhaps I’ll get emotional or feel things I’ve never felt before. But I don’t know that and I don’t want to get there and be disappointed about not feeling what I expected. I don’t want to distract myself from such a special moment by worrying about conjuring up a specific feeling or emotional response. After all, I’m not a crier. I’ve never shed a tear at any major event in my life–graduating from college, thrilling but no tears. Getting married—amazing, but no tears. Actually the closest I’ve ever come to tears of joy was when I got Freshly Pressed, haha! So, who knows and who cares? Let life happen as it may. Set aside expectations and feel things for yourself, as they are, whatever that may mean. Don’t assume something is “wrong” just because it’s not what you expected or not the way other people told you it would be.

*With all this talk about holding babies, I would just like to clarify that I’m not pregnant or planning on getting pregnant. But since this is probably the next major event in my life and all my friends are doing it, I hear about it a lot right now and do think about what that bundle will feel like in my arms :]

I read an article yesterday about the dumb, insensitive things people say to large families .

The article gave all kinds of clever and sharp responses to the invasive and inappropriate questions people ask. I got a real kick out of it especially since I grew up in a large family myself and remember some of the ignorant comments people made to my parents about having soooo many kids.

Even though I enjoyed the article, it also got me thinking about the way I respond to people when they ask me questions or make comments that I think are dumb or intrusive. At this point in my life, most of the questions and comments I find irritating pertain to a) not having children and b) what I do all day (since I don’t have children and only work part-time outside of the home).

As far as I’m concerned, it’s nobody’s business why we don’t have children and Darren and I joke about the inappropriate and sarcastic things we could say to people to let them know it’s none of their business. Usually we’re perfectly polite and tell people we’re just not ready to have kids–this generally leads to a torrent of unwanted admonishment and advice:

• “You’ll never have enough money to start a family so you’ve just got to go for it!” (I never said I don’t have enough money or am waiting for enough money).
• “Kids are such a joy and add so much to your life–you won’t regret it!” (I never said children are kill-joys or that I’m not looking forward to all they will add to life).
• “You’re running out of time.” (I’m 26, I mean really?).
• Oh, and my personal favorite said repeatedly by my father–“I’ll be dead before you have children and then I’ll never get to enjoy my grandkids.” (Dad, you are a young thing–let’s all just breathe shall we?).

I could go on and on but what I’m starting to realize and think about is this: All the annoying things people say and all the ignorant questions they ask are very likely said with the best of intentions. For the most part, I don’t think anyone who has said these kinds of things to me is trying to be mean, irritating, or intrusive. Most likely they’re just trying to encourage me and let me know that they’re interested in my life and are excited about the day when I start a family (what’s more exciting than a brand new baby after all?). And considering that most people aren’t actually trying to hurt me, is it really fair that my response to them be sharp, sarcastic, or unkind? After all, I’ve asked some pretty dumb questions myself.

There are so many opportunities in life to ask ignorant questions. For example:

• When kids are graduating from high school or college everyone (including me) wants to know what they’re doing next. It’s a pretty harmless question but I remember being the kid graduating and getting asked that question 15,0000000 times and not having an answer and it really drags on you until you’re ready to verbally assault the next person who wants to know “what next?”
• When you’re single, everyone (including me) wants to know if there’s anyone special in your life or if you would like to meet their second cousin’s uncle Fred who’s a really nice guy. When you’re single, the last thing you want to talk about with near strangers is why you’re single and how long you plan on being that way as if there is something wrong with you or something wrong with being single.
• When you get married, as I already said, everyone (including me) wants to know when a baby will be coming.
• When you are pregnant everyone will point out to you that you are pregnant and man you are soooooo big!
• Once you have baby number one, everyone wants to know when you’re having baby number two.
• When you have baby number two everyone wants to know if you know what causes all these babies and when you’re going to stop.
• Regardless of who you are or where you are in life, at some point everyone (including me) is just going to want to know what’s wrong with you and why would you do whatever it is you are doing.

But here’s the thing about all these stupid, annoying questions–they are usually innocent. Yes they can be ignorant and insensitive but they really aren’t meant to harass or hurt you; they are meant to show interest and curiosity. They are meant, in their own odd way, to show love. I can’t even imagine how many dumb hurtful things I’ve said to people over the years but I can be sure that I almost never meant to hurt or to intrude. So the next time someone says something to you that is reeeeeaaaaally really none of their business, just try to remember that you have (or will) ask the same dumb questions at some point and the people asking the questions are just trying to have a conversation not an inquisition (well, most people that is).

Let’s be nice to each other shall we? :]