Tag Archives: Life

To Fresh Woods and Pastures New

Posted on by

Yesterday, Darren and I closed on our new home. And by new I mean new as soon as we rebuild it kind of new ;]

We bought a little Colonial built back in 1860—you know, the year Abraham Lincoln was elected President and the Pony Express was still delivering the mail. So yes, she is old and she is a fixer-upper. But we love all the old New England charm about her and even though I’m certain we don’t yet fully know what we’ve gotten ourselves into, we are excited and thankful for this new road we’re on.

I was starting to feel like we had looked at every piece of real estate in the whole entire Commonwealth of Massachusetts and there was nothing for us. But here we are. Now we own an old Colonial in a quaint little New England town. We have a big yard and woods behind and before us—I can’t explain how much the yard and woods mean to me. I have a nice sunny spot picked out to plant my first garden and we are within walking distance to the lake where we can swim and canoe. There’s a nice flat road for riding bikes and my very favorite book store is just a few miles away. I’m really, really thankful.

Please remind me of these pretty words come the middle of this project because I will probably be threatening to burn the whole place down once I’m covered in paint and sheetrock dust. I’m moody like that. Oh, and I give up easily so this should go really well ;]

Seriously though, I’m excited about preserving this old house that has seen so much and adding our own lives and memories to her walls. I’m excited about walking out into the yard and working in the garden, excited about jumping in the lake, excited about watching the trees blossom and the leaves fall as we work away on making this very old house our home.

I’m thankful that old things can be made new and that so much of what’s broken can be fixed…not only in old houses, but in our lives too.

Here she is. I call her Abigail. Don’t judge her–she needs a touch of lipstick and rouge–most ladies do, you know.

DSC_0128

And the view…

DSC_0131

“And so you sign a mortgage but also body and soul, spouse and children over to an idea that will soon become a joy and a burden, a black hole that devours every molecule of your time, money, and spirit. Yet even when you discover that the only thing keeping the place from blowing away is the weight of the mouse droppings in the attic, you wouldn’t have it any other way. If this is the case, you might be one of those old-house people, a peculiar kind of maniac who is one part ability, one part inventiveness, two parts determination, three parts romanticism, and six parts damn foolishness.”  {George Nash from Renovating Old Houses}

I think maybe we fit the part? ;]

“Tomorrow to fresh woods and pastures new.” {John Milton}

Weekend.

Posted on by

DSC_0005 (2)

I love lazy weekends. The cat curled up in my lap and took a nice, long Sunday afternoon nap.

DSC_0089

I drank a big mug of hot tea with lots of honey and cream and played with my new camera, trying to figure it out.

DSC_0047

DSC_0044 (2)

I may or may not have looked into the sun for 30 minutes trying to see what color my eyes are in the light. I may or may not be blind now.

DSC_0010

Oh the light though, it is great fun to chase with the camera. Katniss and I played games with the shadows.

DSC_0029

And then I chased the sun flair, trying to capture it and make it immortal.

DSC_0089 (2)

DSC_0085 (2)

DSC_0102 (2)

DSC_0108 (2)

The sun got caught in the bottles.

DSC_0113

And then it slipped away behind the trees.

This is Our Life

Posted on by

I keep waiting for the world to wake up with spring color so I can get my camera out and take pictures. Everything is brown and gray here in New England and I’m just about stir crazy waiting for the flowers to bloom and the grass to grow. I decided to get my camera out and take pictures of things around the house–bits and pieces of our lives—to get by until its warm outside and there are lots of green things to photograph and share with you. Until then…

DSC_0083

DSC_0087Sleepy head

DSC_0115Last week we had blue skies and the beginning of buds

DSC_0024I love that patch of gray above his temple

DSC_0048 (2)

DSC_0049 (2)Seaside memories

DSC_0018 (2) I have a bad habit of starting one book while still reading two others and never finishing any of them. This is what’s on my nightstand right now.

DSC_0040Creative spaces

…And that is all for now…

{Bread and Wine Book Review} Life Around the Table

Posted on by

Have you heard of Shauna Niequist? I’ve been gobbling up her writing lately so when I had the chance to review her latest book, Bread & Wine, I jumped at the opportunity.

Bread & Wine is all about building life and friendship and community around the table. It’s about opening your heart and home to people and letting them in to be fed and loved.

Shauna writes:

“This is what I want you to do: I want you to tell someone you love them, and dinner’s at six. I want you to throw open your front door and welcome the people you love into the inevitable mess with hugs and laughter” (p. 256).

bread&wine_cover_art

After finishing Bread & Wine, that is exactly what I wanted to do—throw open the door to my home and let people in to be fed and nourished. Shauna’s book is filled with a collection of recipes—some her own, some from friends, others from restaurants and cookbooks—all look delicious. I decided I would take Shauna’s challenge to let people into my home and life by inviting a few friends over for dinner.

I have a group of friends who get together every now and then for what we call “Girls Night.” All that means is the husbands watch the kids and the girls hang out watching a movie or going out to eat. After reading Shauna’s words though, I thought it would be nice to have all the girls over for a real dinner made at home instead of snacks or restaurant food. I chose a couple of recipes from the book and worked out a time when everyone could get together.

I have to admit, I’m not a very good hostess because I get nervous about everything not being perfect. My house is tiny and there are never enough matching glasses or chairs at the table. I’ve let little things like this keep me from having people over. I always tell myself I’ll be more hospitable when I have more room…when we have a real dining room and enough forks for an army…sure, sure.

Shauna encouraged me with this:

What people are craving isn’t perfection. People aren’t longing to be impressed; they’re longing to feel like they’re home. If you create a space full of love and character and creativity and soul, they’ll take off their shoes and curl up with gratitude and rest, no matter how small, no matter how undone, no matter how odd” (pp. 106-107).

I reminded myself of those words whenever I worried about not having enough room or messing up the food.

On the day we were all getting together my friend Sarah stopped by early, when I was still in yoga pants with messy hair, to drop off home-made Mexican ice cream. I tasted a spoonful before she left and about died and went to glory—it was that good.

I spent the day grilling chicken and corn and prepping the food. Evening rolled around and the girls trickled in one by one, two by two. Jessie came first with a salad. We stood in the kitchen talking and laughing. Next came Sarah with Emily. We spread out in the kitchen and talked some more. Maya and Alicia came last with my little baby nephew. I took the baby out of his car seat and snuggled him up with kisses…aunties rights, you know.

We were crowded in the kitchen now with dishes coming out and different conversations bubbling over into laughter. We filled our plates we enchiladas, salad, and Mexican grilled corn. I didn’t have enough chairs at the table, of course, so we ate in the living room instead. Even then, three of us ended up sitting on the floor with plates in our laps. That is one of the reasons I don’t normally invite very many people over—who wants to have company sitting on the floor while they eat dinner? Well you know what, it didn’t matter a bit.

We talked and laughed, told stories and went back for seconds; we looked at pictures and caught up on each other’s lives. Soon we were streaming back into the kitchen for bowls of Sarah’s Mexican ice cream and brownies on the side. We filled mugs with coffee and hot chocolate and talked and talked.

Before Darren left that night he asked what time I thought we would be done. We were getting together at six so I told him we would probably be done by eight…I think it was ten. We just kept talking and laughing and every time someone would say something about needing to leave, another story would start and no one ever quite made it out the door. I love that. I loved the whole night. In fact, I think I needed it.

Life is busy and demanding and I forget sometimes when I’m hurrying through one day right into the next that I need to stop and make time for people, for love and friendship and community. I need these girls in my life because they remind to slow down and live for what really matters. They make me laugh and build me back up when I’m tired and torn down. They love me and encourage me even though I’m not perfect and never have enough chairs at the table. I need them and I’m so thankful Shauna’s book reminded me of that. I’m so thankful Shauna’s words gave me the push I needed to throw open the door to my home and my heart. I’m so thankful I invited people in and they came and filled a need I’d forgotten I had. I need friendship and love and community. I need life around the table to feed my heart and soul. We all do.

Look kids, I’m not trying to sell you anything. It’s true, this book was given to me to review but what I’m telling you are my own thoughts and feelings. I love Shauna’s words and I love this book. I hope you will read it because I sincerely believe you will love it too. You will be challenged and encouraged to slow down and live. To taste and feel and to let people in. That’s the truth and that is all :]

shauna1About Shauna:

Shauna Niequist is the author of Cold Tangerines, Bittersweet, and Bread & Wine. Shauna grew up in Barrington, Illinois, and then studied English and French Literature at Westmont College in Santa Barbara. She is married to Aaron, who is a pianist and songwriter. Aaron is a worship leader at Willow Creek and is recording a project called A New Liturgy. Aaron & Shauna live outside Chicago with their sons, Henry and Mac. Shauna writes about the beautiful and broken moments of everyday life–friendship, family, faith, food, marriage, love, babies, books, celebration, heartache, and all the other things that shape us, delight us, and reveal to us the heart of God.

Shauna blogs at ShaunaNiequist.com

Behind the Clouds

Posted on by

On Thursday a winter storm rolled in. Winter weather is always disappointing this time of year when our hearts are set on spring. Apparently Mother Nature does not care if she’s a heartbreaker and was happy to shower us with snow and cold.

We couldn’t get our car up the hill we live on with all the snow on the road so we ended up abandoning it in a parking lot a mile from our house. Darren and I walked the rest of the way home at midnight with the snow still coming down. We were a sight with Darren wearing my fur-lined hood and each of us wearing one of his gloves. We were also carrying a box of ice cream because, snow or not, you don’t want to leave a perfectly good box of ice cream behind.

The next morning we grabbed a shovel and loaded backpacks up with rock salt hoping we would be able to get the car out of the snow. We bundled up and began marching back down the road to the car. We took about five steps before we started falling on our butts. Darren was walking along and fell flat on his bum. I try to be supportive so I laughed at him. He fell two or three more times and I started telling him he would have to walk alone if he was going to be so embarrassing and then I fell right flat on my bum too; that’s what you get for running your mouth and teasing. Every time one of us would get up the other would fall down and we slipped and slid the whole way down the road. It was very funny really, and there is nothing you can do but laugh at yourself in a moment like that.

We made it to the car and were happy to see it hadn’t been towed; we were very worried about that. But it was very, very buried in snow. Honestly, you could hardly even see it in the snow drift. Darren started shoveling it out and I started cleaning it off but the snow was coming down so hard that all my work was covered right back up. We got in the car dripping wet with melting snow and after a couple tries, we were back on the road.

When the wind and the snow are blowing in your face and the whole world seems buried beneath a veil of grey and white, you can’t imagine that the snow will ever melt or the sun will ever shine. But we woke the next day to a clear blue sky and mild spring temperatures.

It is just like Robert Frost said in his poem:

“The sun was warm but the wind was chill.
You know how it is with an April day
When the sun is out and the wind is still,
You’re one month on in the middle of May.
But if you so much as dare to speak,
A cloud comes over the sunlit arch,
A wind comes off a frozen peak,
And you’re two months back in the middle of March.”
From the poem Two Tramps in Mud Time

The warm temperatures quickly melted the snow off the roads and Darren and I actually went for another walk the next day—only this time it was for the pleasure of the warm air and sunshine and neither of us fell down. I kept looking at the cobalt sky and I was a little amazed that it had actually been there all along, only hidden behind the clouds and the snow. The blue sky never exactly went away; it was only veiled by the weather.

Life is like that too, I suppose. Life gets stormy and we fall down and it’s hard to imagine that the sun ever shone or will ever shine again. But it does. The clouds clear, we get back up, and the sun continues to shine. Even though we could not see it, the sun never stopped shining and the blue sky never failed. Our vision was veiled but nothing was ever really lost to the storms and clouds.

I’m trying to remember this, that the sky is always blue…right behind the clouds.

DSC06321

On Time Before Time

Posted on by

I sit here tonight all cozied up on the couch with a book and a mug of hot chocolate—the real stuff, not the store-bought packets. Cocoa powder, sugar, and milk warmed together on the stove top. Heavy whipping cream, powdered sugar and vanilla whipped together into a fluffy cloud of heaven melt into the hot chocolate and I think I might be complete now.

I ran out to the car for something and had to put my weight into pushing open the front door against the snow that has accumulated on the porch. The snow is already up to the tops of my boots and the wind is swirling around like a sort of snow hurricane. It’s exciting {so long as you’re safe and sound inside with a good book and a proper mug of hot chocolate, that is}.

I’m reading Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist. She writes:

“I stomped out the door, back into the car, still in my pajamas, and as I opened the garage door again, I stopped in my tracks. In the park across the street, one of the tallest trees, twice as high as a two-story house, was the brightest, most insane, lit-from-within red I have ever seen. And it took my breath away, for two reasons.

First, because it was so beyond beautiful, and second, because I had not noticed one step of its turning. I had been in and out of my driveway a zillion times in the last two weeks and could not have told you if the tree was even still standing or not. As I stood there in the driveway, I realized that I had stopped seeing the most important things to see.”

Reading that I was struck by how God had that tree ready just when she needed to learn something from it. God didn’t zap the tree and turn it red at that moment, no, he slowly, carefully turned it red one week at a time until it was just right at just the right moment. That took some thinking ahead and I think it interesting all the work and preparation that goes into the moments that stop us and teach us something about life, or God, or beauty just when we are most in need of such a lesson.

And I wonder what God is preparing right now while I sit here in a snow storm sipping hot chocolate. I wonder what tree he is growing or what person he is teaching that will someday cross my path and guide me when I most need some guidance. I wonder what God is planning ahead before I have any concept of a need that will someday be met, seemingly, in the nick of time.

God is working, he is moving. He is growing trees and people and directing so many paths and patterns and working all things out and together to meet up in just the right place, at just the right time.

And I think that is beautiful.

Don’t Waste Your Pain

Posted on by

 

If you go through something terrible and don’t learn anything from it, you are wasting your own heartache. I believe everything that happens in my life, good or bad, is meant to change and instruct me.

The way I grew up was not easy, not terrible, but certainly not easy. Sometimes I look back and think life was unfair; I think I would have been better off if everything had gone differently.

On better days I look back and realize that all those hard times helped me become who I am. Not only am I stronger but I know now just how strong I can be. I know what I can do without. I know what life looks like from the other side and can better empathize with people. Yes, life could have been easier, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it would have been better. I would not be who I am today had I traveled any other road.

Sometimes pain is the only teacher able to speak loudly enough to get my attention. C.S. Lewis said,

“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

He’s right. The good things in my life keep me going but the bad things bring me to my knees and force me to grow and change in ways beyond my comfort.

I have a very good life but sometimes I get caught up in the things that are difficult, the things I would like to be different. Today I am reminded that every season of life is filled with purpose. There is something in today’s troubles that will instruct me in tomorrow’s troubles if I’m willing to learn and be made better by whatever I’m going through.

One thing I know for sure, I don’t want to go through a hard time for nothing. If I’m going to struggle then I at least want to come out on the other side having learned and changed into a stronger, more mature person.

Don’t waste your pain; use it, grow from it, be made better by it…just don’t ever waste it.

“I want to keep my soul fertile for the changes, so things keep getting born in me, so things keep dying when it is time for things to die. I want to keep walking away from the person I was a moment ago, because a mind was made to figure things out, not to read the same page recurrently.”

Donald Miller

Grow Towards the Son

Posted on by

I have a basil plant sitting in my kitchen window. He’s a survivor, that plant, for he’s lived here for months now and hasn’t been killed. Plants generally come to my home only to meet their maker. I don’t mean to kill them…I just forget to keep them alive.

But that basil, he fights on and on. When I first brought the basil home he was bushed out in all directions with his fragrant leaves going everywhere. After months in the window he’s grown bald on one side with all his leaves growing only on the other side—the side facing the window. His leaves face the glass, soaking up the sunshine (as much as can be had on a short winter’s day) and watching him stretch towards the light makes me think—he grows toward the sun.

He reaches for the light, the warmth, the food that foods his green little veins and watching him makes me wonder—shouldn’t I too be growing towards the Son? Toward the light, the warmth, the food that feeds my soul?

It’s a simple thought wrapped up in a hard lesson and I’m reminded to turn my back on what doesn’t feed my soul and turn my face towards the only light that does.

I’m reminded to grow towards the Son.

Silent Letters

Posted on by

Must your every thought and word be heard? I’m afraid my generation and the generations growing up behind me think so. We share everything—on Facebook, on Twitter, in our blogs, through Instagrams. And then we wait for a reaction—for the likes, comments, and all the pretty little stats that tell us we are good, we are heard. It’s a drug, an addiction—a hit that sends endorphins flooding through our brains, lighting up the part of us thirsting for attention and affirmation.

And we find the silence becomes deafening because we just can’t live without the noise, the reaction, the endorphins flooding in and telling us we are heard, we are good.

And we lose the beauty of silence, the sacredness of solitude.

Sometimes our souls need to be alone.

Sometimes we can only begin to hear in the hush.

Sometimes words need to be written but not read.

Sometimes beauty needs to be seen but not captured or shared.

Sometimes we just need to live quietly in a moment or we will lose ourselves in the noise.

My soul needs some silent letters—words written but not shared. Letters penciled into my journal for the soul, not for the reaction. Letters tapped out on my typewriter slowly, carefully with the heavy stoke of each letter hammered in ink to paper—just for me.

Letters and words good and valuable…and ever so quiet….quiet enough to be heard by the soul.

Because not everything I am must be known. Not everything I say must be heard.

My soul needs silence. Solitude. Words written and not read.

Otherwise I will drown and lose myself in the noise.

hampton-beach-2011-121Can your soul find silence? Can you walk away from the noise?

One Year From Now

Posted on by

I heard someone say if you want to have clear ambitions and reach goals in your life you should ask yourself where you want to be in a year, five years, or ten years from now. Once you know where you want to be in five or ten years you can start figuring out the smaller daily steps for reaching that goal on time.

I’ve thought a lot about where I want to be one year from now. When 2013 slips into 2014, where do I want to be in my life? What do I want to have accomplished or overcome? What do I want to be different about who I am or what I’m doing? And in turn, what small steps do I need to take each day throughout this upcoming year to reach those goals?

Here are some of the things I want from 2013 in no particular order:

I Want to Relax and Do Things That Scare Me:

I promise to calm down, live life, and stop worrying about all the “what if’s” so much.

I promise to go inner tubing with my husband even though it scares me and washes my eye makeup off—which leaves me looking like a scared, 12-year-old boy 8]

Because you miss out on so much of living when you’re too afraid to try.

I Want to Build a Better Relationship with My Husband:

I promise to go back to the ice cream stand where I fell in love with Darren. The place where I said something “inappropriate” and Darren laughed so hard he almost snorted ice cream up his nose. The place where Darren smeared ice cream in my face and I knew right then that I loved him and wasn’t about to live without him. The place where he was no longer just a guy I liked but became the guy I knew I would spend the rest of my life with. I promise to go back…and this time I’m smearing ice cream in his face :]

Because I don’t want to miss a moment with the man I love so much.

I Want to Capture the Fleeting Beauty of Each Day:

I promise to capture the moments. The fireflies and star-lit skies. The flowers, the leaves, the people and places. All the magic that makes our days.

I promise to take my camera with me everywhere because there are moments to be captured and remembered—moments I’ll never get again.

I promise to develop better photography skills so I can better capture the world around me.

I promise to learn to draw and sketch as best I can so I will have the ability to capture and recreate the beauty all around me.

Because, the world is full of magic you know; it’s all around us if we will open our eyes and see. It’s ours to keep if we will slow down and take it.

I Want to Have More Discipline Over My Body:

I promise to get in good enough shape to climb Mount Washington because Darren loves it up there at the top and I’ve never experienced that place so important to him with him.

I promise to lose the 15 pounds I’ve gained because I’m tired of not feeling good about my body.

I promise to get in good enough shape to ride my heavy 1-speed bike up and down the hills and all over the place.

  • I will do this by getting up early enough to work out for 30 minutes each weekday before work.
  • I will replace my daily coffee with tea during the week.
  • I will control the portion sizes I eat.
  • I will buy and prepare healthy meals for my family

Because it’s crazy to let 15 pounds keep me from being healthy and happy in my own skin.

I Want to Go On Quiet Little Adventures:

I promise to go camping beside the ocean and watch the sun rise over the water.

I promise to explore Acadia on my heavy 1-speed.

Because life doesn’t have to be boring unless you’re a boring person. Why be bored when there is so much life to be lived, so much to see and do?

I Want to Make Time for People and Community:

I promise to have people over for dinner.

I promise to make our home a warm, inviting place where people always know they’re welcome.

I promise to go home and see my family even though tickets are expensive.

I promise to spend time with friends and stop complaining about how I’m too busy.

Because people are more important than my schedule.

I Want to Read More:

I promise to spend more time reading and less time watching TV and messing around on the internet.

I promise to invest money into books.

Because whole worlds live in the pages of a book and I don’t want to miss out on a single lesson or story.

I Want to Improve My Blog:

I promise to invest the time and patience it takes to build a beautiful, meaningful blog.

I promise to slow down and write thoughtfully.

Because blogging is an amazing outlet and opportunity I don’t want to waste by being lazy and impatient.

I Want to Have More Financial Discipline:

I promise to stick to our budget.

I promise to stop looking for things to want.

I promise to be thankful for and content with what I have.

Because there is so much more in this world to love than fleeting, material things.

I might make a baby too…

Because…

I’m tired of waiting for life to begin at some other place and time.

This one year, no matter what it is, no matter what it’s not—this one year I’ll never get again.

One year from now I want to look back at this post and see all the things I did, not just things I talked about doing. One year from now I want to have pictures, sketches, words, and stories from a year of live lived meaningfully. A year from now I want to be closer to my husband, my God, my friends, and my family. I want to have gone on adventures and faced my fears. I want to look back with peace and satisfaction—not regret.

To do this will mean taking small steps every day. It will mean getting out of bed earlier than I want to to work out…I hate working out. Sometimes it will mean saying yes to something that scares me and sometimes it will mean saying no to something I want. It will mean making choices—choosing one thing over another because each day comes only with limited time and opportunity to choose what’s most important.

I have no idea what the next 365 days will hold—happiness, heartache, adventure, mistakes…some of each, I’m sure.

Wherever this road leads, whatever I face, I hope only that I will come out on the other side a little bit different. A little bit changed.

What do you hope for in 2013? Where do you want to be one year from now and how will you get there on time?