A Winter Wonderland

Posted on December 30, 2012 by Kari

Eleven inches of snow fell flake by flake into our yard last night. We woke up this morning to a winter wonderland. We tried and tried to get out of the drive, but alas, we are stuck. Since we are snowed in and I have nothing better to do, I decided to treck out into the snow for some pictures.

“Snow falling and night falling fast, oh, fast

In a field I looked into going past,

And the ground almost covered smooth in snow,

But a few weeds and stubble showing last.

From Desert Places By Robert Frost{The bird house is wearing a snow cap}

{Today is the perfect day to put your feet up and watch the world go by}{I’m going to sip some coffee and finish reading The Hobbit}{Katniss thinks he should be sipping coffee too}

Are you snowed in too? :]

{2012} A Year in Review

Posted on December 27, 2012 by Kari

A year has come. A year has gone by.

I look back at what has happened. I look forward to what is to come.

These are my memories—my favorite moments from a year of life lived.

We spent our days on the water—boating and jumping in the salty sea.

We soaked up the summer sun and built driftwood fires when the sun grew tired before we did

We went on our first real vacation together—exploring Puerto Rico and the islands of the Caribbean

We celebrated our 4th year of marriage exploring the beautiful city of Portsmouth, New Hampshire

We went to campgrounds and fairgrounds

pag-new

We adopted a wild little kitten and fell completely in love with our stripped little trouble maker

I saved my pennies and bought that bike I wouldn’t shup up about

We blinked and summer slipped into fall

We flew away to meet new nephews and nieces and to spend time with family

The leaves fell and the snow flakes began to fly.

We gathered around warm fires and our merry little Christmas tree

And here we are, just like that, we have reached the end of another year.

It’s okay though.

Because we lived through the Mayan apococlypse.

And I’m sure we’ll live through whatever 2013 has for us too.

Just Listen

Posted on December 11, 2012 by Kari

Sometimes people tell me their problems and I don’t know what to say. I want to fix everything for them. I want to give good advice and solve all their problems. But as it turns out, I’m just a kid and I haven’t learned how to solve very many problems yet.

When I don’t have answers I wonder why people tell me their problems in the first place. A friend tells me about trouble with her husband. I listen. I sympathize. I encourage. But I don’t solve her problem. Another friend tells me about trouble with her kids. I don’t even have kids but I listen, and sympathize, and encourage anyway but still solve no problems.

The other day Mr. Husband was telling me about a problem at work. It was a complicated thing—something to do with reading through 100’s of pages of blueprints and specs trying to find an answer. He was getting frustrated and I was getting confused. He knew I knew nothing of what he was talking about. I don’t read blueprints and I don’t solve aerospace conundrums. But he told me all about his problem anyway and I sat and listened anyway.

And that’s when it occurred to me: He doesn’t care if I solve his problem; he just wants me to listen. Of course I have no answers. Of course he will still have to figure this problem out on his own. But sometimes it helps just to talk things through. Sometimes you find the answer you’re looking for just by talking through a problem out loud.

So now I see when my friends tell me their troubles, they aren’t necessarily looking for answers. Maybe they’re just looking to be heard and understood. Maybe they just need to talk through a problem out loud. Maybe they just need to know they aren’t alone and when they need to talk they have someone who will listen.

I’m learning to be that person who will simply listen. I may not have answers but I have two ears, and sometimes, two ears are the only answer anyone needs.

Learning to Need Other People

Posted on November 26, 2012 by Kari

For the last four years I have lived in Massachusetts—a thousand miles from my family, friends, and the place where I grew up—1,367 miles to be exact. I love it and I hate it here and it seems the divide in my heart spans wider and wider each year.

New England is beautiful and filled with culture and history. There is always something new to see and do. I love being close to the ocean and the mountains and all the beautiful old cities. I love living close to Darren’s brother and his family. I love the friends I have made here. But I miss my family and my home. I miss the Midwest prairies and lazy afternoons spent with family doing nothing but just being together.

Truth be told, and it isn’t easy for me to say, I am very lonely here. I’m lonely without my family and friends and that place called home—nothing fills that void in my heart because nothing and no one else can.

This week I thought a lot about being lonely. Probably because it was Thanksgiving and we were up with all of Darren’s family for the holiday and I was missing being with my family.

I thought about why I am so lonely here even after four years. I thought about why I haven’t built more friendships and community. Why am I so alone in this place even after all this time?

In thinking through all these things, I realized something about myself. I realized I don’t ever want to need other people. I already knew I’m hard to get to know—I’ve been told that many times. But I never realized the reason I’m so hard to get to know is because I don’t want to need other people or let them in. I don’t want to be vulnerable. I don’t want to look like I’m not all put together. I don’t want to look like I need help with anything or need to learn anything. I want to be in control and be fine all by myself.

Only I’m not.

I’m lonely. And I’m tired. And I’m tired of being alone and trying to look like I don’t need any help.

I need friendship, I need community, I need other people to help me find my way and grow.

I think about when Darren and I start a family and the thought of raising children in this place by myself scares me. I won’t have my mom. I won’t have my grandma or my sister-in-laws (except for the one wonderful sister-in-law I do have here on Darren’s side). I don’t know anything about babies or children. I don’t know when they’re supposed to eat or sleep or how to tell when they’re sick. And I don’t want to figure any of these things out by myself. I want—and need–friendship and community. I need moms and mentors who can help me learn the things I don’t know.

I need other people.

Like it or not, I’m not all put together and I can’t do everything on my own. And if I keep chasing people away by pretending that I’m fine by myself, then I will never be able to build the friendships and community I need.

So I’m learning.

I’m learning to let people in. Learning to admit that I am tired, and lonely, and I need other people.

I have this quiet prayer in my heart right now—that God would give me moms and mentors and that I would have the humility to accept their love and help when they come.

Because I need help, and I need people, and I’m tired of pretending I can do all of this on my own.

I Thought You Should Know…

Posted on November 21, 2012 by Kari

This morning an elderly woman walks into Dunkin’ Donuts and painstakingly selects 12 donuts. The cashier gets all the donuts in the box and seals it up to hand to the woman and she says, “Oh no! That’s not what I meant to do! I came in here for a gift card!” True story :]

That is all.

Love, Kari

Your Heart Goes With You

Posted on November 16, 2012 by Kari

I sometimes catch myself thinking it will be easier to be happy, content, loving, giving, or whatever when something in my life changes. When I have that house I’m waiting for. When I start a family. When I’m anywhere but here.

I was thinking the other day about how life would be easier at some later point and it hit me: Life will be the same because your heart goes with you.

What I mean by that is when I have that house I’ve been waiting for, I’ll still have the same heart moving into it with me. If I’m unhappy or discontent in my heart without that house, my unhappy heart will go with me and find something else to be unhappy about.

I know this is true because it’s happened a thousand times before. I now have many things I once thought would change everything. And even though all those things are nice and do add some happiness to my life, they do not fundamentally change who I am or how I look at life—that starts in the heart.

My favorite blogger said, “Your looks are only a carrier of your soul.”

She’s right not only about the physical appearance but physical circumstances and possessions too. How I look, where I live, and the circumstances around me matter only on a material level and change all the time. But my heart and soul, who I am on the inside and how I live and think on the inside—that’s what really matters no matter what changes on the outside.

My heart and soul go with me. Everywhere, every time. I hope I can learn to grow each day in the place and circumstances where I find myself.

The way we live life is a choice we make every single day and today, I choose to make the right choices.

Those Who Inspire

Posted on November 11, 2012 by Kari

I know a guy who followed a girl to Africa.

That girl is his wife.

She inspires him, it’s obvious—you can see it in the way he talks about her, the way he looks at her, and in the way he pursues so much more with his life because of her. If you talk to him for very long you can tell she makes him want to be a better man, she makes him want to do more with his life. I knew him in college. He was funny and well-liked but a bit of a drifter— now he’s dead focused on a mission and he’s pouring his life into helping other people.

I watch this couple and I wonder if I inspire others the way she inspires him. Do I inspire my own husband to be his best self? Or do I frustrate and discourage him in a world already filled with obstacles?

It’s so easy to be a downer, to always see the obstacles and the impossibility of a situation. Honestly, I think a lot of times I’m quick to tell my husband to quit. I tell him it’s too hard or not worth the time and money. I tell him not to try, not to take the risk.

What if my friend’s wife had told her husband the same things? What if she told him Africa was too far, too dangerous, or not worth the time and money? He would be a different person on a different road in life—and the people he touches in Africa would be on a different road too.

It’s funny because watching her inspire him inspires me too. She makes me want to be a better wife and person. She makes me want to look beyond the challenges and see the possibilities.

I hope going forward I can help my husband and those around me face the world with hope and courage. I hope I can speak to the beauty and wonder all around us each day. I hope I can learn to overcome my own negativity and grow into a woman of faith and courage.

Inspiration can be beautifully contagious—spread some.

Letter to a Younger Me

Posted on September 25, 2012 by Kari

Dear 16 Year Old Kari,

This is 26 year old Kari—don’t freak out.

It’s been ten years. A lot has happened.

Like…

You finished high school. High five.

You went to and graduated from college. You started as a journalism major and finished with a degree in counseling because you didn’t like other people telling you how to write.

You are still paying for college 😦

You got married and you married well.

{This is your husband. He is hot. I can not describe to you how much you will love him}

You moved across the country to Massachusetts.

You’ve moved three times in Massachusetts and you’re not done yet.

You don’t have kids. They still scare you. But you finally got a cat…and sometimes she scares you too.

You colored your hair. Can you believe that? Me either.

You have to wear contacts because you see like an 80 year old woman without them. You had glasses but you lost them somewhere between Massachusetts and Missouri. The glasses were pink. You chose them from the children’s section (even though you were in your 20s) so it’s probably best that they got lost somewhere between here and there.

You don’t cry anymore. You will find it doesn’t help and one day, you’ll just stop.

There will be this thing called Facebook. You will join somewhere around your junior year of college.

In college a fellow journalism major will ask you what a “blog” is. You won’t know.

You will write a blog.

You will grow more confident about some things, more insecure about others. Security will be a life-long journey.

You still hate fish. I hope you always hate fish.

There will be little tiny phones called “cell phones.” People will walk around typing little tiny emails into their cell Phones—this is called “texting.”

You know that ghetto coffee shop called “Dunkin’ Donuts”? Embrace. Soon you will be best friends.

You will work at an aerospace company. I know, I can’t believe it either.

You will gain weight. Lay off on the Twinkies now doll.

You will always love taking pictures but you won’t need film anymore.

You will tutor in math. Stop laughing. No, keep laughing because you will hate every second of it and laughing is the only thing that will get you through.

Indiana Jones is still hot.

For one year you will live in the cutest down town apartment with brick walls and wood floors. You will feel like a bird in a tree house and love every second of it.

Max Factor is going to go out of business so buy mascara like it’s the apocalypse baby.

Video stores are going to go out of business too but they will have this thing called “Netflix.”

You know that song by OneRepublic Chris made you listen to? Pay attention; they will become your favorite group.

You will find the world is much bigger than you think and you are wrong about many things.

You will have to say you’re sorry many times.

You will learn to say “I love you” but it will take much longer than you think.

If I could go back I would tell you:

Sleep now. Like, a lot.

Listen more. Talk less.

Breathe in the fresh country air; it will be hard to come by later.

You will get knocked down. You will get hurt. You will feel stupid and ugly. You will get back up.

You are not stupid or ugly.

Those guys you hope will notice you? They aren’t all you think they are. You are fine by yourself and there is a much better guy waiting for you.

You will never stop being afraid you will just learn to push through the fear to accomplish your dreams.

Don’t study so hard in college. Make time for people and build friendships. People will matter long after grades have been forgotten.

Don’t be so sarcastic all the time.

Don’t try to forget where you’re from. Your roots are important and you could never be who you are without them.

In some ways you will be very different. In some ways you will be exactly the same; this is the nature of growing up.

Life is not easy. People are mean. Not all of your dreams will come true.

But

Even though life will not turn out at all as you imagine, it will be fine.

You will be fine.

You will be just fine.

Love,

Your old wrinkled self

{26 Year Old Kari}

P.S. The world is supposed to end this year. I’ll write you in another 10 years and let you know how that goes down.

May the Odds Be Ever in Your Favor

Posted on September 15, 2012 by Kari

Darren and I went to Maine this weekend and came home with a little baby kitten. I’m not an animal person. I’m also not a committment person. I like being able to pick up and take off whenever I want to <————————– and that is the number one reason why I don’t have kids. True story.

Anyway, if I’m not an animal person, I’m really not a cat person. I would much rather have a big fluffy German Shepherd or a cuddly little Chocolate Lab. But as it turns out, Darren and I are both softies and this particular little kitten had a sob story. Mamma cat had too many baby cats and by the time this baby cat got here, mamma cat was done feeding and taking care of kittens. This kitten was the only one of her litter to survive and was starving. Darren’s aunt and uncle starting feeding the kitten and taking care of her but they needed to find a permanent home. We listened to the above sob story and took the bait like the suckers that we are.

So now we’re animal people—even better—we’re cat people because we’re a couple of sob story suckers who can’t let a neglected little kitten without a mother go without a loving family :]

Darren wanted to name her Cleopatra. He wants to name everything Cleopatra. It kind of creeps me out. If Cleopatra didn’t die a thousand years ago, I might even be jealous.

I wanted to name her Poppy. I want to name everything Poppy including one of our children. Darren won’t let me. Sigh.

Then Darren mentioned the name Katniss and there was no going back. If you’ve read The Hunger Games or seen the movie then you know exactly where we got the name; if you haven’t, well then read the book and “may the odds be ever in your favor.”

Darren loves The Hunger Games so much I’m a little concerned our children are going to end up with names live Everdeen and Primrose. When Darren found out I never finished reading the book I thought he might divorce me…jeez man, it’s just a story…and if I didn’t have you to take care of then I would probably have more time to finish reading it ;]

Anyway, Katniss has the word “Kat” in it so Darren thought he was very clever. Not to mention Katniss in the book also had a neglectful mother and was starving, so I think Darren is very clever too :]

So, here is little miss sob story Katniss—orange and white stripped trouble maker that she is.